Books, Baguettes and Ballet Slippers

Shameless Self-Promotion

2011-12-26T19:17:00.003+11:00

Hello friends!

I feel like I'm awkwardly trying to re-connect with a long lost friend who I neglected for a while... But I'm sure that you have all been very busy and haven't noticed my lack of writing at all! If you have noticed, thanks for being a reliable reader and I'm sorry to disappoint! But for the rest of you, I'm sure a simple explanation will suffice. I have been very busy of late, finishing my musical theatre course, performing in the Showcase, and much more! But most importantly, I wanted to talk to you about my musical.

I've mentioned it a few times in this blog, but recently my writing partner and I have decided to take it to a new level and put on a big showing of the show. We have a venue almost booked, we have a rehearsal room booked, auditions scheduled, rewrites being planned and technically minded friends being put into a list to be contacted later. I'm mentioning it to you because I know there may be some of you who perform and love to be a part of amateur shows. Here's your chance to be a part of something special, because the opportunity to be involved in a brand new, original piece of Australian theatre comes along very rarely. As the show is still growing, this is your chance to make a mark on the show - help it reach that next level. Heck, help it become successful! We need you enthusiastic, creative, generous people to give this show life in any way you can, so if you are even slightly interested, check out the event page and maybe even book an audition. And if you have no performing talents/interest whatsoever, maybe you could come see the show and support the young writers of today.

Click here to check it out!

From Pen to Paper

2011-11-06T19:40:00.002+11:00

I have two main passions in life - 1. Performing, which is the one you guys hear the most about. 2. Writing.

With performing taking up most of the space in my brain, I haven't had much time for writing lately, but I miss it terribly. As I've mentioned before, I'm working on a musical currently which is a great challenge, but what I miss the most is writing my novel. Creating a world and populating it, and following the characters on a journey that flows straight from my imagination onto the page. It's such an amazing thing to do. I can't wait to start writing my next book (an eight part series is the plan, I'll probably be done sometime around 2054...)

I've been turning my mind back to my book lately, just to see where it's at. I've had a few people read it. Gotten some more feedback. I've emailed literary agents to try and get represented and get the book somewhere more significant then my own desk drawer.

AS it turns out, I have picked a terrible time to try and do this. Most of the agencies specify on their websites that they're not taking new clients, so I don't even get the chance to email them a query letter. I'm wondering, if I can't get my book to an agent, how will I ever get it to a publisher? I guess the thing to do is keep working on it and putting it out there but I'm new to this, writing industry, I don't know how it works!!

If anyone is a writer already and has some advice for me it would be greatly appreciated! I'm sure there are some bloggers out there who have moved around in literary circles, any suggestions for what to do?

In the meantime, here's an excerpt from my book just so you know what I'm going on about:

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A sound came to Arein. It was as if the volume was being turned up slowly until it was too loud, pounding in his head relentlessly. Eventually, the sound became distinguishable as the chatter of children. He could hear it more clearly now. He could also feel his body, though he wished he couldn’t. There was an oppressive weight spreading from his head to his toes. Arein’s breath hitched in his throat as he felt the heaviness. It gave him an awful feeling as if the pain was bearable but was about to get a lot worse.

Trying to feel past the weight, Arein realized that he was sitting upright. He could even vaguely feel something underneath him – a chair. He tried to open his eyes but the awful feeling weighed in on him. He fought with it for a moment and, slowly and painstakingly, he wrenched his eyes open.

His bleary surroundings focused after a few laboured blinks. As he had guessed he was sitting upright in a chair on what appeared to be a large stage. A thick, red curtain separated him from whatever was causing the noise.

He forced his neck to the right, seeing two more chairs. In them sat Sedalia and Rem. On his left was Arella. He breathed a sigh of relief; they were all there at least, they weren’t… He forced away the lump in his throat and made himself focus. The others were asleep, or so it seemed. They sat straight up in their chairs, although there were no ropes to force them into their positions.

Arein went to turn around, to see behind him but the weight on his body pressed down even harder, causing Arein to flinch and gasp. He didn’t feel pain, but he felt, again, as if he was pushing the boundaries and any minute the weight would snap and crush him to death. He didn’t dare try to turn around again, but he needed to move, to get off the chair and get out of wherever he was. Panic started to rise in his chest as he became all too aware of where he must be; the Kasimir Castle.

He fought with the weight on his body, desperately trying to pull his limbs away from his side, his torso away from the chair, but again and again he felt the invisible pressure of the boundary and could not stop himself from pulling back. The prospect of the pain it would bring to break the barrier was too frightening, too terrible to even imagine.

A low groan came from his right. Arein whipped his head around as fast as the weight would allow. Wincing with the pain, he heard another groan. It was Rem.

“Rem,” Arein hissed, surprising himself with how softly the sound came out. “Rem!”

Another groan.

“Rem, wake up!” Arein hissed again, focusing on making his voice louder. “Rem!”

“…Arein…?” came a small voice from Arein’s left.

It was Arella. Arein turned his head, more slowly this time, to see her eyes searching the room. When she spoke, her voice was almost too quiet to hear. “W-where are we…?”

Arein didn’t want to say it aloud, foolishly hoping it wasn’t true, but his silence wasn’t the answer Arella was looking for.

“Arein, tell me.”

“Kasimir Castle… I think.”

Arella’s eyes widened. She seemed to struggle for a moment, her eyes cast down on her body. “Arein,” she whispered urgently, her eyes still focused on her frozen frame, “I can’t move.”

“Neither can I,” he said lifelessly.

“What’s happened to us?” Arella’s eyes were terrified as she whispered the words. Arein had never seen her normally serene face so frightened, and it frightened him even more.

“I don’t know,” he replied, fighting to keep the panic out of his own voice. “I think we’ve been drugged or… or something… I don’t know!” His voice caught on his last words and Arella’s eyes widened even further. They flickered to the curtains as she noticed the noise coming from behind them.

“Who’s out there?”

“I don’t know,” Arein repeated, wishing he could say something else. “It sounds like children though.”

It reminded him of the dining hall at the Kasimir School, the constant chatter as voices fought over one another to be heard,

Just as Arein finished speaking, the noise died down. The area behind the curtain became completely, unnaturally quiet as though the people there had suddenly disappeared, or were at least sitting extremely still.

Then, a loud voice boomed from behind the curtain.

“Boys and girls,” it said slowly. It was a male voice, rich, indulgent and faintly familiar to Arein. “We are all here together to celebrate this momentous occasion. We are finally one step closer to our goal!”

The invisible crowd gave a cheer in unison, sounding strangely rehearsed at it.

“We have been training long and hard for this, have we not?” the voice continued, taking on a sympathetic tone. “But there is hope. We do not have much longer to go now.”

Arein was hardly listening to his words. Something about the voice was familiar but wrong, like an old favourite blanket that still felt the same but had taken on the musty, mouldy smell of the attic that it just couldn’t get rid of.

And then he realized. It was Olle. It was the same voice, had the same intonations and the same tone but it was too youthful; too strong; not the voice belonging to the old man.

He continued his speech unaware of Arein’s frightening discovery. Olle was here, talking to a crowd of what could only be the Kasimir students…

A whoosh of air came from behind Arein as if someone had opened a door. He could hear footsteps behind him and he turned slightly to Arella, only seeing a glimpse of her frightened face before a voice spoke.

“We better get you ready for your… performance then,” a woman’s voice murmured from behind them.

Arein turned his head just slightly until he could see a woman’s figure standing in front of Sedalia. She raised a gloved hand and gave Sedalia a sharp slap across the face. Sedalia gasped, but Arein could not see her face.

“Wake up,” the woman ordered, moving over to Rem. She raised her arm again and Rem was slapped awake, though he stayed silent. The woman came to Arein next.

“Well Arein, I should have guessed you’d be awake already.”

Arein gaped, only just remembering the name of the girls’ coordinator at the Kasimir School. “Miss Shyla?”

“Mmhmmm…” Miss Shyla said dismissively, looking at a small notebook she held in her gloved hands. She glanced up to Arella. “Oh. Your friend is awake as well. What a shame.” She stuck out her lower lip in a fake, baby-like frown. “I’ll have to tell them that the spell’s not strong enough, or that you two weaved a little bit of magic of your own… Mathius won’t like that.” She chuckled darkly, turning her attention back to her notebook and pacing in front of them.

Arein’s eyes moved over to Sedalia’s, trying to see her face, to tell her it was all right. As their eyes met, Sedalia gave a whimper and Miss Shyla twirled around.

“Quiet, girl,” she said harshly, striding over to her. She took Sedalia’s face in her hands, her voice dripping with sudden sweetness. “You need to put on a brave face for the crowd. You don’t want to embarrass yourself now, do you?”

Sedalia tried to wriggle her way out of Miss Shyla’s grasp, but stopped suddenly. “Ah –”

“No control for you,” Miss Shyla said, cutting off Sedalia. She giggled in a childish way. “I can’t having you jumping off the stage!”

She released Sedalia and strode away, moving around them and out of Arein’s view.

“Wait!” Arella called suddenly, her voice wavering.

The footsteps stopped. “Yes…?” Her voice was both warning and taunting at the same time.

Arella closed her eyes. “What’s going to happen to us?”

Arein could almost hear the grin in Miss Shyla’s voice when she replied. “Wait and see… although you’ll have to wait quite a while. It’s a slow and painful process, having your very being pulled out of your body… or so I’ve heard…” She laughed again, but it was drowned out by another cheer from the audience. “Well, your public awaits.”

They waited in silence for only a moment before Olle’s voice boomed out from behind the curtain. “ – I now present to you, four of the Twelve!”

The crowd cheered again and, as if on its own accord, the curtains flew open. The noise was suddenly deafening. Hundreds of children calling, jeering and shouting at them, all seated in a massive hall filled with row upon row of chairs. Every student that had ever been through the Kasimir School now stood up from their seats, their face’s twisted with malice and a hatred fed by Mathius. Arein, Arella, Rem and Sedalia winced at the insults they could hear, and the even worse ones that they couldn’t. They were on show, frozen in their seats to be paraded as trophies.

Arein squeezed his eyes shut willing himself to ignore the crowd of children below. After what seemed like an age, the crowd quietened and Arein forced himself to open his eyes again and see what was to happen next.

“That’s quite enough,” came Olle’s voice from the corner.

Arein wrenched his head around and had to bite his tongue from screaming at the pain it caused him. The invisible barrier throbbed red hot, the pain slowly easing away leaving Arein gasping. The crowd noticed his pain and laughed as one. Ha ha ha – all together, again, as if it had been planned and rehearsed.

Arein kept his eyes on the floor, but he could hear slow footsteps advancing towards him. He raised his eyes and saw…

It's the Circle of Life!

2011-10-30T22:20:00.002+11:00

As you can see by my most recent blog post, I have discovered a new love. No, it's not for buying shoes, or going to the gym or other such things people seem to have love affairs with. It's for a much more geekier past-time. Yes. I watch documentaries.
Since I discovered a website where you can watch them for free, I've been addicted. I've watched movies on the human mind and body, on religion, on racism, on heaps of incredibly interesting topics that I find fascinating. I know many people think that documentaries and mind-numbing boredom go hand in hand, but if you watch documentaries on topics that you're interested in then it's absolutely riveting.

However.
With this discovery, I have learnt something about myself. I have learnt that I can NOT watch documentaries about...
Animals.
There. I said it.
I just find them far too emotionally traumatising. Animal documentaries lull you into a false sense of security. They show you clips of adorable sea-otters holding hands and deer frolicking in the meadow while birds sing and the sun shines. And then, they flash up a few clips of these sea-otters being swallowed whole by a seal, or the deer being slowly chased until they collapse with exhaustion and are descended upon by wolves.
I know what you're thinking. "It's the circle of life, Emily. Everyone needs to eat." I try to remind myself the wise words of Mufasa. The lion eats the antelope but "When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connnected in the great Circle of Life. "
At this stage, I'm surprised I even manage to get through the Lion King without falling into an emotional heap.
I understand that it's all natural and proper but I can't help but feel terribly sad. I watched a show about baby turtles and how they have to find the ocean once they're hatched, but birds fly by and snatch them off the ground so only a small percentage ever make it to the sea. The rest struggle helplessly in the birds claws.
Or take tonights documentary for example, in which whales played a hunting game with a poor seal until it was slumped, exhausted on an ice float. A sneaky whale came up, bit it's tail and slowly dragged it into the water, with the seal looking helplessly towards the camera. Maybe it was the fact that the seal reminded me slightly of my dog, but whatever the reason, I find animal documentaries far far too sad.
So from now on I shall watch informative documentaries that steer away from the animal kingdom. To avoid being ignorant, maybe I'll read wildlife articles... That way I don't have to see their puppy dog eyes as they're nommed on by a lion.

2011-10-14T19:57:00.003+11:00

Hiya friends!

Is there any point me saying 'long time no see'? I have realised by now that I am well and truly not a routine blogger. I could never keep a diary either and this is, I guess, along the same lines. BUT the upside of my irregularity is I only blog when I have a thought/idea so hopefully that means my blogs content make up for the lack of updates!

Anyways, I have missed writing on the blog for you guys (whoever you may be). I miss writing in general but I just can't seem to find the time. I've been writing occasionally - working on the musical, composing brilliantly artistic emails and the like. But I do miss blog writing and novel writing - once the year ends (as it will very soon) I'll get right back into it!!

So, onto the main topic of my blog. I'm not sure if you know but I've been staying with a friend from Showfit in the city during the week (apart from wednesdays when I head back to the land of Mornington to work). Recently, we discovered an amazing website in which you can watch documentaries FOR FREE online and they have EVERY documentary you can think of. So we've been spending our nights educating/entertaining ourselves with documentary after documentary.

Last nights film was called 'Multiple Personalities', and boy was it frightening.

It followed the stories of three adults who had multiple personality disorder. The first woman ended up having to be hospitalised because she was becoming a risk to herself, as several of her alternate personalities were self-destructive, and wanted to hurt her. The man was a police officer, who's alternate personalities (or alters) took over depending on different situations. The last woman was a mother of three, who's alters included a young child (who came out whenever her daughters wanted to play) and a teenage girl who stole credit cards and went on shopping sprees.

While fascinating, the show was deeply disturbing. All of these three adults had this disorder as a result of terrible abuse they experienced as children. Being young, they didn't have the capacity to cope with what they endured, and so their minds created personalities who could.

Am I the only one who finds this absolutely incredible? Their minds did this to help. This was the only way they could cope. And though it was done to help, it does so much harm. It is, mentally, a huge huge thing. It seems almost unbelievable, as often the person themselves have no memory of what the alters do, yet the alters themselves communicate within the person. They are aware, they take control and they consider the person they inhabit to be separate to themselves.

This is such a display of the power of the human mind. What's most bizarre is the power it has over the body, for instance one woman wore very thick glasses due to very poor eyesight. When she switched to an alter, she didn't need the glasses anymore as her eyesight had improved.

My friend and I were discussing the movie this morning in a state of 'I'm-still-really-freaked-out'. What scared us the most was that we consider our brains and our minds to be the same thing. Our thoughts come from our mind because we put them there. We control them. Furthermore, we control our brains involvement in our body. When we want to move our arm, we think it, and we move the muscles. What this disorder proves is how independent our mind/brain is - how it can function independently from our thoughts. Most people with multiple personality disorder don't remember the trauma that happened in their past. Instead, the alters bear the brunt of the painful memories. Often they want to find out what happened, as it will help them heal and move on. But their mind won't allow them. One woman was watching a video tape of herself in which her alter (a small child) was recounting memories of abuse. Whenever any detail was revealed in the video, the woman's mind would automatically shut out, her eyes would close, she'd pull away from the screen and, basically, her mind rejected the information despite her wanting to find out. This woman had an alter called Enigma, who's role it was to kill her if the abuse was ever remembered.

I could rant about the things that happened in this documentary for ages, but you'd be better to watch it. It's just so intriguing and so unsettling. It's terrifying to think your mind can turn on you like that. It's terrifying because it's a loss of control, and none of us like to lose control so utterly and completely like that. There are people who believe it's a hoax, some sort of act that these people put on for attention, but I can't understand why a grown man - a police officer and a seemingly good person - would pretend to be a 6 year old child, clutching a stuffed animal and absolutely breaking down as he relives traumatic moments in his past over and over again. People are complicated, more so then we could ever imagine. We only use %20 of our brain, as they say. And that %20, maybe even more, would do anything to make us safe, even if that means creating someone stronger then you to take control for a while.

I can't really wrap this post up as there is no conclusion I can come to other then WOW we are crazy. But that's how I finish most of my blog posts, isn't it?!

Ah well. Maybe one day I'll accept how crazy we are. I'll let you know if I do.

Until next time!

2011-10-07T17:04:00.002+11:00

I am not a very angry person, by nature. Not many things make me really angry. Occasionally though, I stumble across something that I disagree with SO MUCH that it makes me furious. One of these things is to do with something I love and have grown up with and cherish - disney films. One day, I was watching some old disney clips on youtube when I stumbled across a video with someone talking about how racist, sexist and generally discriminatory disney films are.

Needless to say I wasn't happy. At the time, I was trying to find a topic for my English year 12 Oral speech, and this made me so angry that I figured it was the perfect topic for a nice long rant. So I did my research, and argued that disney films are NOT sexist, and NOT racist in the way that a lot of people want to believe they are.

This is the speech I wrote:

I would rather entertain and hope that people learnt something, than educate people and hope that they were entertained.

These words were said by Walt Disney himself, the maker of dreams, the creator of countless classic films that have gone down in history. He has made fairytale characters ageless; Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty – household names nowadays in most families. So much creation, so much inspiration - and yet Disney is flailing under recent, and in my opinion, baseless criticism. Disney programs have become the target for unfair judgement. The Internet is littered with opinionated videos claiming that Disney is sexist and racist. They state that Disney’s animated films promote an unrealistic set of moral values that are corrupting the young minds of today with, and I quote, “subliminal messages”.

According to these anti-Disney activists, each Disney character is riddled with these “subliminal messages” designed to mould the minds of young boys and girls. We should really break down these messages into specific areas. Firstly, the portrayal of men and women within Disney films.

Like most girls, I grew up with the Disney princesses dancing across my T.V screen while I watched in awe and admiration. The princesses represented everything good in my eyes; kindness, generosity of spirit, and optimism. My sisters were the same, as were my friends. And yet, despite our childlike admiration of the princess’s good qualities, some people find it necessary to destroy the fragile innocence that children only just maintain by seeing bad where there is none.

As long as Disney films have been created, there has been argument over their portrayal of gender. No matter what era, some over sensitive parent finds fault in a certain look or word that a character may say in a potentially offending tone. Unfortunately, not everyone in the world can be universally pleased and, by now, Disney well and truly understands this. And so, the Disney we see today is a careful company. It markets to its audience intelligently, using their films as a representation of modern times and this is the key point to my argument. Disney films reflect the time they were made in. Snow White was not a rebel, nor a strong, feminist woman because the traits that were admired in women of that time were gentleness and reliance on men. Now, in a time where individualism and emotional strength are the admirable qualities, we see far more feminist-like characters. Take Mulan, Pocahontas, and Meg from Hercules. These are women who promote bravery and determination. Yes, Snow White is a subservient character, yes, she relies on men, but we can’t deny that once, this was the ideal woman.

When it comes to men in Disney films, the arguments are not dissimilar. The public say that not all men can be strong and handsome, that Disney promotes an unrealistic standard in their heroes. What the public so easily forgets is what the Disney films are; cartoon animations. As Walt Disney says himself, “All cartoon characters and fables must be an exaggeration, caricatures. It is the very nature of fantasy and fable.” There is no greater representation of this cartoon creed than in the Disney films. The characters, especially the men, must exaggerate their qualities in order to communicate whether they are good or bad. For a child to understand easier, their qualities take outward manifestations. A person with inner beauty (the protagonists of the story, most commonly) will show this with their appearance. Blackness of heart will also show through appearance, meaning that the evil characters are most commonly not referred to as beautiful. In short, Disney does not create heroes as powerful men and subservient women like some people claim they do, but rather they use the surface of the character to show a deeper motivation.

The topic that raises the most controversy in regards to Disney is racism. The public has made it increasingly difficult for Disney to use different races in their films due to the uproar it normally causes and yet still, they demand racial equality. Disney has no way around it.

Take for instance, a film that I would never, never, have thought could be targeted for racial slander. The Little Mermaid was one of my favourites, and everyone knows the crab Sebastian who sings the famous song, ‘Under the Sea’. Much to my horror, this character was listed as one of the top ten most racist characters in Disney films. The writer declared that Sebastian’s lyrics, suggest that Jamaican people are lazy.

What does this say about people today? It seems like the only characters that do not spark outrage are those with American accents and white skin. Is this a reflection of Disney films, or a reflection on our own racial views?

Disney tries. It is obvious that they try but they are constantly stopped in their tracks by protestors. Their first film in which the heroes were not American, Aladdin, was instantly met with angry Muslims and Arabs. The monkeys from Jungle Book also caused arguments, along with the crows in Dumbo due to the fact that they had African-American voices. It seems that, with our canny knack for finding fault where there is none, the human race is never happy with anything.

I have watched Disney my whole life, and I am neither racist nor sexist. I am not disillusioned. I do not expect a fairy godmother to help me out of my troubles, nor do I place a stigma on any step-mothers I may know. I am my own person and while I love Disney, I do not base my whole life education on their films. These people who complain that Disney is “secretly trying to brain wash us”, are forgetting key points about life itself. They are first of all forgetting that Disney films are for entertainment. They are films, not social commentaries or political documentaries. Second of all, and most importantly, they are underestimating the intelligence of our children, who are not so suggestible, despite some claims, to see an evil character who may be Chinese and believe that all Chinese are evil. They do not see what we see. It wasn’t that long ago that I was a child myself and I still remember. Children are so willing to be innocent - to cheer for the good guy and laugh and be entertained. If the adults of today are so intent on seeing the bad in a company that creates immortal films that made me feel happy every time I watched them, then we better say goodbye to our children’s innocence now because sadly, Disney, there’s not much hope.

Beautiful

2011-09-18T18:35:00.001+10:00

Stunning dance animation - wow some people are amazing!

http://danceproof.posterous.com/sometimes-dancers-are-just-sketches-in-the-wi

Just Me.

2011-09-04T21:22:00.003+10:00

Acting is a dangerous game. Performing in general is a dangerous game. It is easy to see why so many performers have break-downs/are incredibly egotistical and self-important.

Because ALL WE DO IS THINK ABOUT OURSELVES.

Especially when we're learning, as I am now. Every day, from morning to night, all I am thinking about is myself - am I working hard enough? Am I doing this right? Should I sing this for mock audition? Is this challenging me enough? Am I improving?

Is it incredibly difficult to not be self-focused, because in every class we are being encouraged to let our thoughts revolve around ourselves because, really let's face it, it's the only way to improve. If you don't pay attention to yourself and your abilities how will you know where you are and what you need?

On one hand, I understand that this is a brilliant and necessary thing because it makes performers so self-assured. Some of the teachers we have are just so incredibly sure. They seem to know themselves back-to-front and exude such an amazing energy of being totally at ease. And you need that as a performer because you have to face endless rejection. You have to be aware of where you are to the point that if someone says they don't want you, you can still have faith in what you have to offer. Anyone who hasn't spent enough time in their own head will soon collapse under the pressure of rejection.

On the other hand, it can make many people selfish with too much self-importance then is good for them. It's a dangerous game. Unavoidable of course. I suppose it's all in how you let the game play you. If you let yourself become too entangled with yourself you'll have no hope. If you can be impartial about yourself, if you can understand yourself and improve yourself without losing sight of others then you're on a good path.

The people around us probably suffer a fair amount. I love my family so much, but often times when I am at home I just want to be by myself because the effort of social interaction seems to make me even more aware of me. And if I'm on my own it feels more as if I'm not so present. I can tune out, watch a movie, listen to music, read, and not need that constant focus.

At the moment, I just want to get out of my own head. As a serial over-analyser I feel as if I'm really having constant arguments with myself, because I can see both sides, agree with both sides, understand both sides but can't for the life of me pick a side to be on.

Do I sound a tad crazy right about now?

Probably.

But what is this blog for if not to vent. Hopefully other performing-students can understand what I'm getting at.

But as much as I am struggling with the self-regulation of performance, I am feeling an odd thing for people who aren't experiencing it. I guess you could call it pity. Because I can't imagine a life in which you don't try to understand your own thoughts (and yes, you do need to practice understanding them because really, how complicated are we? How hard are we to decipher even in ourselves?). A life in which you don't try to be better, don't try to learn more and become more at peace. It creates beautiful people, it really does. Yes, as I've said, people can become very egocentric, but the flip side of that is the community of generous, loving, open, funny and just incredibly unique people that pursue performance. They are a special breed of people, they really are.

So, if this blog post doesn't prove my state of mind I don't know what will. I hate it, I love it, I admire it, I don't understand it. Whatever it is. I love what I'm doing, and hopefully what I will do, but it doesn't come easy, that's for sure.

But it's worth the struggle.

Theatre People

2011-08-08T17:09:00.004+10:00

Hello readers!

As you may or may not know, I am currently the assistant editor of the amateur musical theatre department of a very popular website called theatrepeople.com.au. It is a cornucopia of all australian musical theatre facts, news and stories.

As of yesterday, I am looking for new writers to join my department. I need people who are passionate about theatre and writing, who are looking to volunteer their time to a fantastic resource for performers all over the country. It is an amazing opportunity, especially considering that the website is just newly national.

If you are interested, please contact me at editor.emily@theatrepeople.com.au. I'm taking submissions till the end of the week so don't miss this chance!

p.s. As a side note my little sister is astounding people with her talent, and she posted a video on youtube for the first time. This proud older sister asks that you check it out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGd_6Pml5BE

Interesting Words

2011-07-30T15:43:00.003+10:00

Words with no true English definition:

Toska
Russian – Vladmir Nabokov describes it best: “No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody of something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom.”

Mamihlapinatapei
Yagan (indigenous language of Tierra del Fuego) – “the wordless, yet meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start”

Jayus

Indonesian – “A joke so poorly told and so unfunny that one cannot help but laugh”

Iktsuarpok
Inuit – “To go outside to check if anyone is coming.”

Litost
Czech – Milan Kundera, author of The Unbearable Lightness of Being, remarked that “As for the meaning of this word, I have looked in vain in other languages for an equivalent, though I find it difficult to imagine how anyone can understand the human soul without it.” The closest definition is a state of agony and torment created by the sudden sight of one’s own misery.

Kyoikumama
Japanese – “A mother who relentlessly pushes her children toward academic achievement”

Tartle
Scottish – The act of hestitating while introducing someone because you’ve forgotten their name.

Ilunga
Tshiluba (Southwest Congo) – A word famous for its untranslatability, most professional translators pinpoint it as the stature of a person “who is ready to forgive and forget any first abuse, tolerate it the second time, but never forgive nor tolerate on the third offense.”

Prozvonit
Czech – This word means to call a mobile phone and let it ring once so that the other person will call back, saving the first caller money. In Spanish, the phrase for this is “Dar un toque,” or, “To give a touch.”

Cafuné
Brazilian Portuguese – “The act of tenderly running one’s fingers through someone’s hair.”

Schadenfreude
German – Quite famous for its meaning that somehow other languages neglected to recognize, this refers to the feeling of pleasure derived by seeing another’s misfortune. I guess “America’s Funniest Moments of Schadenfreude” just didn’t have the same ring to it.

Torschlusspanik
German – Translated literally, this word means “gate-closing panic,” but its contextual meaning refers to “the fear of diminishing opportunities as one ages.” (Altalang.com)

Wabi-Sabi
Japanese – Much has been written on this Japanese concept, but in a sentence, one might be able to understand it as “a way of living that focuses on finding beauty within the imperfections of life and accepting peacefully the natural cycle of growth and decay.” (Altalang.com)

Dépaysement
French – The feeling that comes from not being in one’s home country.

Tingo
Pascuense (Easter Island) – Hopefully this isn’t a word you’d need often: “the act of taking objects one desires from the house of a friend by gradually borrowing all of them.”

Hyggelig
Danish – Its “literal” translation into English gives connotations of a warm, friendly, cozy demeanor, but it’s unlikely that these words truly capture the essence of a hyggelig; it’s likely something that must be experienced to be known. I think of good friends, cold beer, and a warm fire.

L’appel du vide
French – “The call of the void” is this French expression’s literal translation, but more significantly it’s used to describe the instinctive urge to jump from high places.

Ya’aburnee
Arabic – Both morbid and beautiful at once, this incantatory word means “You bury me,” a declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before another person because of how difficult it would be to live without them.

Duende
Spanish – While originally used to describe a mythical, spritelike entity that possesses humans and creates the feeling of awe of one’s surroundings in nature, its meaning has transitioned into referring to “the mysterious power that a work of art has to deeply move a person.” There’s actually a nightclub in the town of La Linea de la Concepcion, where I teach, named after this word.

Saudade
Portuguese – One of the most beautiful of all words, translatable or not, this word “refers to the feeling of longing for something or someone that you love and which is lost.” Fado music, a type of mournful singing, relates to saudade.

10 Reasons Why I Love Performers

2011-07-20T22:36:00.002+10:00

1. Everyone is always ready and willing to burst into song, with harmonies, and potentially a fully choreographed dance number to top it all off.

2. Performers have very little need for personal space. This means constant cuddles, hugs, massages, ass-slaps and much much more. When performers are comfortable with each other, they are REALLY comfortable with each other.

3. What looks insane to non-performers is an absolute hoot for us. Example 1: 23 students dancing the tango with chairs as our partners. To us = most fun ever in a drama class. To others = clincically insane people with bizarre attatchments to inanimate objects in need of serious help.

4. Performers make the best audience. If you have performer friends coming to see you in a show, you can be guaranteed cat-calls, cheers, very loud laughter, very dramatic tears and perhaps a standing ovation if you're lucky.

5. Everyone's allowed their quirks amoung performers. Seeing as we're all pretty damn quirky, you would be quite hypocritical to not tolerate someone elses quirks. So we all pool our quirks together to make super-group-crazy-quirky-funness. If that makes sense.

6. We're all fairly dramatic - this may seem like a downside in many ways, but in many other ways it's brilliant, because you know what? It means we're not afraid to show our feelings. Something excites us, we will scream, jump around, and carry on. Something bad happens and we let it all out.

7. We trust each other. This could just be a performers-that-you-have-worked-closely-with kind of thing but it's absolutely amazing when you wholeheartedly trust the people you are performing with. When you practically work as one because you know each other so well, and support each other's choices.

8. I can shout out random musical theatre news and generally someone will react.

9. We're linked by the fact that we all suffer the same pitfalls, emotional walls and insane highs. There's no way any true performer can avoid these, and so in experiencing them we are all connected in that way,

10. Performers are just a hell of a lot of fun. A night out with performers is one that will be filled with unexpected, spontaneous and often hilarious things. I never forget a night with my performing friends.

Talented Friends

2011-07-17T20:11:00.003+10:00

Being in a community of performers, I have the lucky chance of knowing some very talented people, who are sure to be superstars. One such friend has recently posted a song she has written on youtube. It's about something all performers understand; that elation of doing a show and the empty feeling when you finish it. Please check it out, it's a beautiful song and beautifully performed :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=bgtMyl4eiRI

Insert Harry Potter theme tune here

2011-07-16T17:31:00.006+10:00

And just like that, it's all over.

Yes, everybody, yesterday I saw the last Harry Potter film ever.

Now, I expected to love the movie, which I did. I expected to cry, as I cry in almost every movie I see so there's no difference there. I expected to be sad.

I didn't expect to be sobbing openly in the movie theatre.

Such an extreme reaction might seem indulgent, or over the top. I mean, for so many people, it's just a movie, based on just a book. But here's the magic of Harry Potter (pardon the pun) - It is so much more then that. SO much more then just a story. People grew up with it. It became a part of their childhood. A lot of people don't remember a time without Harry Potter, so it's no surprise that the reactions to the final film can be a tad dramatic. This was my life as well. Harry Potter was HUGE to me. And I'll explain why.

My Harry Potter Life Story

Everyone has a Harry Potter story. How they fell in love with it. What it means to them. Mine all started in year two, when I started at a new school. I think it was my third day at this new school when our teacher pulled out Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Every wednesday he would read a chapter or two to the class. They had already read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone last year, so I was a bit behind. I had never heard of Harry Potter, but soon I was enjoying it as much as everyone else. Our teacher would put on a Dobby voice, or a gruff Hagrid voice and we'd be giggling and gasping in the rapt way that seven year olds listen to really good stories.

After we finished the book in school, I was dying to read more. I got the first book and read that on my own. The I bought the second book and read it again. The third book hadn't been released yet, but by the time it was I was a fan. I loved everything about this magical world, and these characters. As the kind of child that determinedly refused to stop believing in fairies and magic, this book was perfect for me.

The second part of my Harry Potter love affair began when I took Ballet lessons around the time I discovered Harry Potter. It was at Ballet that I met a long time childhood best friend, Cybelle. We did ballet lessons together every week, and had many a playdate in between. Soon, we realised that we both loved Harry Potter. In our mind, no two people had ever loved it more then us. When the first movie was released, we went and saw it together, wearing our Best Friend Forever connecting necklaces (weren't we adorable?) We were in ecstasy. Before long we had begun playing every Harry Potter game you could ever imagine. We combed the books and wrote down all the spells, learning them as if we were in class. We ran around creating this magnificent adventures that involved her next door neighbours cat being an animagus who was actually a very powerful Witch in hiding. We even started to write down all our adventures in a special book we made together.

Harry Potter was our thing. Sadly, we both moved away, and phone calls became less and less frequent. But I know she still loves Harry Potter with as much passion as I do.

Despite not being with my Harry Potter loving best friend, my boy-wizard love affair didn't end. I anticipated each new book, and each new movie. My older sister started reading the books after a while, but I always got to read them first. Harry Potter was the best way to make me happy. Once, before school, I cried and cried because I had made Mum as angry as she could possibly get. Later that day she bought me a Harry Potter card game to reconcile over and there was no better move she could have made. I would forgive anyone who came to me with Harry Potter merchandise.

I read the books too many times to count. I kept count up to about 23 and then I lost track.

My little sister and her friend also used to play their version of 'Hogwarts' and I would organise it for them. I'd organise their classes, teach them spells, and create little adventures with riddles to solve and Harry Potter trivia to answer. I loved it as much as they did.

In high-school, Harry Potter became my comfort book. Whenever I felt a bit miserable, or very miserable about something, I would read it. I would be sad, at school, and sitting there I would get excited that I had Harry Potter to read when I came home. I would devour each book, reading it constantly. It irritated my little sister no end, who decided to hide my books because I was reading them at dinner when she wanted to talk to me. I got them back, and she tried to snatch the off me which resulted in the front page being ripped off. Needless to say I was not happy. The book has been lovingly taped back together.

Then, the last book came out. I read it as slowly as I could force myself because I didn't want it to end. But it did, and I loved every word of it.

I can thank Harry Potter for many things. I can thank it for giving me the tools to a wonderful imagination. For being responsible for the best parts of my childhood. For inspiring me to want to write a story just as magical. For inspiring me to want to inspire other imaginations. For making me feel better when I felt terrible. For giving me something to look forward to every time a book was to be released or a movie was to come out.

It may sound cliched to some people. I know there are people who never got into Harry Potter (two of my best friends for example) and they don't get how it can mean so much to anyone. But Harry Potter does mean this much to me, whether it's rational or not. It means so much. And that's why I cried throughout the whole damn movie, and that's why I was so overwhelmed at the end of it. I grew up at the exact same time as the characters. I went through aspects (emotional ones, not the magical ones - although I desperately wished I could have had the magical problems too) of what they were going through.

And plain and simple - I freaking love it.

Dance

2011-07-14T15:10:00.001+10:00

This is Emily on the Dispatch... yo.

2011-07-13T16:42:00.002+10:00

Hi all!

I figured it was about time for an update. A run of the mill this is what's been going on, up, down and around in my life at the moment.

SO!

First and foremost, I just went to Fiji. Yes, the magical land of resorts and spa's. It was simply splendid. My family and I went for five nights to a resort that exudes tranquility and that lazy holiday mindset. We fell in love with Fijian people straight away. I've never felt more welcomed in my life. They played the ukulele and sung to us as we came in the airport (with other airport staff clapping and dancing, as you do) and everywhere we went we heard 'Bula!' which is their hello. We soon learnt that it's also a huge part of their culture, as they pride themselves on being hospitable people. Everyone says Bula to everyone whether you know them or not. Walking down to the pool we would be greeted by every single Fijian we passed.

We also noticed the heat. A welcome change from the freezing temperatures of Melbourne. It was a balmy 29 degrees when we got off the plane and didn't change at all our whole trip. You know what was nice? Not having to wear bed socks.

In a holiday filled with swimming, restaurants, shopping, tanning (or at least, not burning too much), my absolute favourite thing was this:

BUFFET. BREAKFAST.

That's right, you heard correctly. Buffet breakfast EVERY MORNING!

*Emily dies of happiness*

Buffet breakfast is possibly one of the best things in the world. Every morning we got eggs, fresh coconut, delicious hash browns, all sorts of cereals, Fijian breakfast dishes and more. It was heaven on a plate.

After breakfast every day we soaked up some sun by the pool. I lounged in my new hat, demolishing some Terry Pratchett/Neil Gaiman novels or listening to musical soundtracks. Then we'd dive into one of our five pools to choose from and that was basically how we spent every day.

Once again, heaven.

But unfortunately the holiday is over, and it always has to end with an unpleasant plane trip. (Yay for travel sickness pills saving me, unlike my Europe flight!) And now we're home.

On to other matters, what else is new?

Well, editing is underway with One More Year. Schming and I had a day or writing and got a few songs done. Big changes underway, which on one hand is a bit sad, and insanely difficult. Once you have sung, read, written, worked with one song for so long it's hard to hear it in any other way. But we made some good changes and hopefully we'll make more.

I've also been starting to pursue a path for my novel again. I realised, as odd as this sounds, how much I miss my book. My characters, that story, the feeling of writing a novel. So I want to work more on it but I'm at a bit of a dead end. I need more opinions, but professional book editors/assessors and expensive. So I'm entering a mentorship competition and fingers crossed I get in. I'm hoping to get Kate Forsyth as my mentor - she wrote my favourite book of all time, 'The Starthorn Tree' and is a huge inspiration to me. I love the way she writes and the story she tells so it would be great to get her opinion on my book.

School is looming over the corner. Term three is nearly beginning (eep!). I cannot believe we are already half way through. I'm scared of it ending. Considering how much we're being held up, supported and gently guided in the right direction, the thought of suddenly losing my training wheels next year is a frightening one. But it'll happen, and I suppose by the end of the year I'll be ready for it. I'm excited about what the rest of the year will bring. I have a lot of loose puzzle pieces that I'm trying to fit together, I'm hoping things will start to get clearer and those pieces with fall together. In life and in school.

You know what's strange? It's strange being very aware. They say stay in the moment, and don't watch time pass and you'll live. Live properly, I mean. But when you're trying to live in the moment and grow beyond the moment you start becoming very aware of everything. Of yourself, of who you are and what you're doing, and especially of how your changing. I've changed a lot these past few months. A lot. And being aware of the person I'm becoming is both unnerving and reassuring. Many blog posts ago I talked about wanting change. Wanting to be more and experience more and making big movements in life. Well, I think I'm in the middle of it. I'm on a little ledge, and I have a gaping hole behind me that was who I used to be. I can't possibly move back, I don't know how. But in front of me is a place I don't know, and I don't quite know how to navigate it.

How's that for a metaphor?

Not very good. I know, but hey, it's my metaphor and it makes sense to me.

Well there's my update for you all. One last note, I have recently fallen in love with Stephen Sondheim's musical Merrily We Roll Along, and I love these lyrics. I'll leave them with you guys to read. I hope your lives are going swell, I hope you have things your pondering and things going on. And I hope your enjoying it all.

And if I wanted too much,

Was that such

A mistake

At the time?

You never wanted enough —

All right, tough,

I don't make

That a crime.

And while it's going along,

You take for granted some love

Will wear away.

We took for granted a lot,

But still I say:

It could have kept on growing,

Instead of just kept on.

We had a good thing going,

Going,

Gone.

WHY?!

2011-06-30T20:03:00.004+10:00

Why is it that people argue with themselves?

Well, I assume I'm not the only one who does.

Why is it that we constantly go against ourselves on everything. That we split our mind two ways, and can often see both sides of wisdom but simply cannot justify one or the other enough to adopt it's way of thinking.

And more importantly, HOW can we do this? In some ways I very much wish we weren't so complex. The fact that we actually can split our consciousness into two ways of thinking is bizarre. I'm not saying in a weird, multiple personality/talking to yourself way. I mean in the way that, when we're in turmoil, we can tell ourselves one thing and believe another. It's like one part of our mind is this wise, knowledgable but ultimately ignored being that listens to advice, takes everything in and tells the rest of us, quite calmly, the right decision to make. Meanwhile, the other part of our minds is hiding in a dark shadowy corner somewhere, waiting until Miss. Clever disappears for a minute so that they can basically tear down all those positive, clear and reasonable thoughts that we so determinedly tried to build into our systems.

It is, in essence, a completely self-destructive thing and I don't see why we have to have the capability to do it in the first place. Why should people be able to feel sad, happy, angry, and then tell themselves they shouldn't be feeling sad, happy, angry?

I suppose (and here comes Miss. Clever) that there's a reason we have this mental capacity. It's probably some sort of self-development thing. Some sort of, 'Look how smart humans are! We can think several conflicting things at once and believe all of them equally! Hooray." thing. In being able to do this, we're able to test ourselves mentally, experience conundrums and deal with them (or alternatively, not deal with them. Maybe it's a survival of the fittest.)

All in all, it is frustrating to say the least.

And it makes me want to not have quite a big brain.

I bet cats don't have this problem.

Peace

2011-06-05T15:54:00.003+10:00

I've recently read a wonderful book. It's quite a well-known book, hugely popular and then made into a movie with a few celebrities. It's about love, spirituality, pleasure, and peace. Guessed it yet? It's 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

It's one of those books that I kept saying, 'Oh you should read that.' about but never actually got round to it, until I saw it sitting next to my Mum's bed and realised we owned a copy. So I read it, and I'm glad I did. I understand why it is so popular. Why so many people love it and endorse it. It's a beautiful book. It's the kind of book that inspires you, not in a cliched sense, but in the same way that seeing someone perform makes me want to get up and perform also. It makes you want to be active in life.

For some people, I can imagine it would be a hard read. The book (for those of you who haven't read it) is divided into three sections: Italy for pleasure, India for spirituality, and Indonesia for balancing the two. The first section, Italy, is probably enjoyable for everyone. It's about things everyone can relate to - the art of relaxing. Enjoying yourself without guilt, letting yourself eat pasta and ice cream for breakfast and spending days wandering the street with no real aim.

The second section is when it changes. India is all about spirituality. It's all about meditation, grappling with inner demons, finding god, finding peace.

I am not a religious person, but for some reason I love reading about it. I love reading from the perspective of a religious person. I love finding out about it, understanding it, knowing about it. And so this portion of the book fascinated me. BUT. It did bring up a question in my mind.

First of all, the majority of the book talks about finding this enlightenment, oneness with god and the universe that gives you contentment. It lets you let go of negative emotions or needless feelings and live with happiness. That's great. That's terrific. But it made me think - is that right? Is living in contentment how we are meant to be living?

It brings me back to a post I made a while ago about feeling miserable and angry and just letting yourself feel that for a while. Everyone is entitled to a bit of angst. In my mind, someone who is happy all the time isn't a very interesting person. Nor are they very human. They say only the insane are happy all the time. Do they say that simply because they can't understand the concept of being happy? That we can't? Maybe. Maybe I'm wrong, and if I understood it more I would be more accepting of it.

But another thing. I find that negative emotions are incredibly necessary. Not all the time obviously - I'm not saying that someone in a constant bad mood is the best person in the world. What I'm saying is that it's the negative emotions that drive us into great things sometimes.

It's that feeling of frustration and anger when we can't understand something that pushes us to practice and learn and not give up until we learn it. It's those feelings of grief and sadness that prompt us to take stock of the world and our lives and make changes for the better. It's that feeling of unsatisfaction with what we have that makes us advance our knowledge and create more and more amazing things. Yes, there are elements of positive emotions in these examples, but that's the balance, isn't it? How can there be positive without negative?

The idea of being happy and content all the time is an alluring one. A magical one even. It paints a picture of heaven, of total enlightenment and peace. But, in my mind, it is in no way a realistic one. That's not what humans are about. We shouldn't live our lives trying to suppress and fight away negative emotions. Those emotions are just as a part of us as happiness and excitement are. We need that duality. Yes, we can strive to find a balance, but reaching for a state of only happiness is an empty dream.

I hope you don't take this as morbid, it's not in any shape or form. I just like that humans are complex, and that we can feel grief and joy to the exact same depth. I don't want to have to pretend that we shouldn't.

Rant ended.

Incredible

2011-06-03T22:07:00.002+10:00

Anyone else find this absolutely incredible?! Some people are so talented.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/23arAI/www.behance.net/gallery/Solitude-20102011-A-work-in-progress/954142

Story

2011-05-26T19:00:00.002+10:00

Hi all! Here's a short story I wrote a while ago called 'Heaven'.

***

“What a wicked face that fellow has!” the judge murmured down to me meekly.

What a wicked face indeed! I couldn’t help but agree. From my little stool by the judges table I could see the man’s features quite clearly; wide, slightly grinning mouth, bright flickering eyes. The bluish shadow that marked his fatal blow was only just creeping out from under he’s carefully sculpted hairdo. He had draped himself casually over his chair, inviting the gaze of the jury members with a clear and disconcerting relish. All in all, the effect was one of utter arrogance with just a sharp hint of humour glinting in the darkest part of his eyes. He shifted his gaze to me, gave a lazy smile and rolled his eyes as if to say, “What a waste of time, eh, buddy?” I returned the gaze and blinked a few times as if to say, “Kindly stop looking at me.”

It was a true mark of his puffed up pride that he did not look away at once. After all, I was an Angel, albeit a rather unimportant one. But as far as the hierarchy of Heavenly Judicial Rankings (HJR) goes, I was certainly several happy steps above him on the ladder. What’s more, I had my newly printed license for the Gaze of Retribution sitting snugly in my pocket and in my cheerful pride of this achievement I was all too keen to test it out a little. Unfortunately the man’s rather pitiable defence attorney, who had had his morning coffee that day, was paying attention and gave him a sharp rap on the shoulder.

“Oh, come on!” the man groaned in the long suffering tones of a rebellious teenager, or a very immature fully grown man. “Why is nothing happening?”

The judge, who seemed to have taken personal offence to the complaint cleared his throat meaningfully – or at least as meaningfully as a series of indignant gargling and choking noises can be.

“We shall begin court proceedings.” He nodded to me. “Sir Angel Harvey of the second ranking, if you could please read the list of grievances.”

I pulled out the sheet I had written earlier and put on my best possible law-court voice. “List of complaints towards one Barnaby, of negative seventh ranking,” I squeaked judicially. “Disrespect towards Angels, disrespect towards The Big Guy, disrespect towards the carefully ordered system of the afterlife, 3 counts of missing compulsory afterlife apology workshops, 2 counts of still-living-spousal neglect, and 34 counts of inappropriate nudity.”

A large dramatic sigh was followed by my well-spoken announcement and Barnaby rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion to the point of a damaging neck strain.

“Representative of the defence,” the judge intoned in what he had hoped to be a powerful authoritative voice but which sounded rather like he was suppressing a large belch, “Do you have anything to say?”

The defence attorney made a large thing of shuffling around some papers, which were very obviously blank. He then opened and shut a briefcase a few times, pulled his glasses to the end of his noise, peered out over the courtroom and said in a clear and succinct voice, “No.”

Barnaby threw up his hands in exasperation. The judge ignored him and proceeded to say, “Barnaby, do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Given the opportunity to perform, Barnaby stood up grandly, extending his arms and prancing to the jury’s table before strutting back and forth.

“Once you have finished your talented rendition of A Chorus Line,” the judge tittered with a little flush of pride at his terrific humour. He had, in fact, just finished a season of A Chorus Line as the role of ‘talent-lacking dancer #4’ and had been hoping to slip a comedic musical reference in court soon so as to make people take notice of his vast theatrical knowledge.

Barnaby also flushed, but with anger that his dramatic start had not quite come off with the finesse he had hoped for. He turned murderously to the giggling jury and began speaking in a low ominous undertone.

“Well, your honour, if that really is your name, I have several things to say –“

“Speak up, you idiot!” a jury member exclaimed, throwing a small paperweight in his direction.

“Fine! Since none of you understand theatrical subtlety –“

“I wouldn’t say that!” the judge huffed angrily.

“- I shall speak plainly!” Barnaby cleared his throat.

“Get on with it!” another anonymous jury member yelled.

“My response to these crimes, my impatient friends,” Barnaby continued, ignoring several angry murmurings from the jury for being wrongly labelled as his ‘friends’, “is thus. First of all, I only disrespect Angels because they could not look more ridiculous if they tried.”

I tucked my fluffy angel wings as far behind me as possible and tried not to look too embarrassed.

“Secondly, The Big Guy completely understood that my comments to him were a joke, and we had a good laugh about it. He said he found it refreshing that I felt comfortable enough to call him what I called him as no one had ever done it before.”

I nodded, hating myself for accepting his explanation. It was a well-known fact that The Big Guy had a rather strong sense of humour. He had, much to my terror, given me a lift home from my religion-appreciation class one day and as intimidated as I was, his jokes about global warming had kept me chuckling for days. Any man high up enough in the HJR to be called Almighty but still insisted on being called The Big Guy is generally able to tell a joke from a fist in the face.

“And what did you call The Big Guy?” the judge asked in the voice of someone who is about to tell a very bad joke that they think is hilarious.

Barnaby sighed. “Butthead, your honour.”

The judge shook with suppressed giggles. “And how long have you been in the third grade?” He then burst into unrestrained laughter which the court imitated out of manners and pity more then anything else.

“As I was saying,” Barnaby said testily, “HE got it, if none of you thick-headed idiots did not. Thirdly, I have nothing to say to that claim as the actions speak for themselves. Fourthly and fifthly combined, there are clearly far too many ridiculous rules and classes to climb the so called heavenly hierarchy then altogether necessary, which brings me to sixthly – I expected to be able to do what I want here but cruelly I cannot, so I ask you, what is the point of being dead if it is just like being alive?”

At this arrogant outburst the judge positively shone with red-faced flustered indignation.

“The point, Barnaby!” he sputtered. “The point is – the point, I say, is…”

He lost himself for a moment in the furious and bewildered silence of a man who is forced to think about things he generally strives to ignore.

“The point is that you have done bad things and you shall be rightly punished!” He finished after a long pause, rather anti-climactically.

“I thought that was the reason I was here in the first place,” Barnaby stated with a theatrical flair.

“You are sentenced to…” As much as the judge had no patience for Barnaby’s dramatic tendencies, he had no problem with his own and so the suspense-inducing pause that he put in his sentence dragged on for a full three minutes before I delicately drew the matter to his attention.

“Judge!” I shrieked subtly.

“Harvey, I was pausing dramatically and you just ruined all the anticipation.” I had the good sense to blush and look timidly at my feet. “Anyway, as I was saying, you are sentenced to be born.”

The jury gasped obediently, reading the ‘GASP’ sign that was now flashing luridly above the judge’s table.

“Oh me, oh my,” Barnaby yawned. “Should I be terrified?”

The judge blinked a few times before saying, “Well, yes, if you don’t mind.”

“Well I do mind!” Barnaby exclaimed hotly, ignoring his defence attorney who was now flapping a hand in front of his face. “I think it’s time someone sensible, intelligent, good-looking and generally extremely funny should tell you the problems with this system you’ve got going. The after-life should be a place that is different to life, otherwise it’s just like living still, but after!”

“Um, it is called the after-life,” I interjected as timidly as I could manage while still sounding very intellectual. “It’s quite logical for us to have this system.”

“Oh, yes, of course, I’m sorry – I do believe you have convinced me with your mental fortitude,” Barnaby said with the discernible sarcasm of a brick. As a result, the jury and judge all smiled in surprise satisfaction that my intelligent words had gotten through to him.

“Well, since you’ve seen the error of your ways –“

“No you fools!” Barnaby cut of the judge with an extravagant gesture that upended the table and sent papers wafting about everywhere. “I was being sarcastic. I actually think that this system is idiotic because human beings aren’t logical. We are emotional! The after-life shouldn’t have a hierarchy; it should have no system at all! It should be different for each person –“

“ENOUGH!” thundered the judge in an excellent display of his voice projection training. “Off you go right this second. You shall be born this evening and I’ll hear not another word from you. Now, begone!”

Barnaby gathered himself together into a perfect picture of composure as he gathered up the blank papers on the floor that his defence attorney had brought to look more professional. To this attorney, Barnaby said, “I expect you have assumed already that I shan’t be paying you didly-squat.”

And with that, Barnaby left the room, accompanied by four armed Angel guards.

“Well!” sighed the judge. “Glad that’s over. The rebels of one life always end up being the radical thinkers in the afterlife, don’t they? Anyway, The Big Guy’s hosting drinks tonight, who’s coming?”

Hooray for Musical Theatre !!

2011-05-07T17:33:00.002+10:00

Now I know I tried (and failed) to do a 30 day song challenge in the past, but this is much more suited to me! It's a 30 day musical theatre song challenge, and I'm going to modify it slightly. I'm just answering a whole bunch of the questions now, then some more later, then some more after that instead of boring you all for 30 days straight. Onto question number one!

1. A song from the first musical you ever saw/heard.

Well. I think the first musical I actually ever saw was Cats, but it doesn't count because I don't remember anything other then that I was teriffied and we left half way through. So instead I shall say "Jeanette's Showbiz Number" from The Full Monty. Dad was in this musical when I was about 11. Because of that, we saw it over and over again, and I listened to the soundtrack over and over again. We got to sit in rehearsals, and go to cast parties and I was completely enthralled by the world of musical theatre. This son was my absolute fave from the show because it was so broadway, and I sung it to death.

2. A song from your latest musical obsession.

I'm loving this question because I go through so many random obesessions with musicals. At the moment I've been very very obsessed with Sondheim, and I recently got the Company album. The song that I've been singing from it is "The Little Thing's You Do Together". I adore Sondheim's music, and Company is such a great example of his work. His chatty, fast paced, heavy-lyric-ed songs and his heartfelt, beautiful ballads are all on show, plus it has such a touching message about relationships and connection.

3. A song demonstrating how underrated I think a musical is.

This is a tough question. I suppose my best answer is "Rita's Confession" from Lucky Stiff. I never really hear people talking about Lucky Stiff, or singing any of the songs. But I really like it, and this song is fantastic. It's quite hilarious and I oversung it for a long period of time.

4. A song demonstrating how overrated I think a musical is.

My answer to this is a complicated one. The musical Wild Party is a favourite of many, heaps of people LOVE the music, and I admit, a few songs I enjoy and sing along to. But the rest of it, I find absolutely awful. I think this show is far too overrated for it's own good.

5. A song which makes you happy.

Everytime I listen to "Totally F****ed" from Spring Awakening I feel so happy - and I know it's strange because it's not necessarily a happy happy song. But whenever it reaches the 'blah-blah0blah' group sung section, I feel so happy and joyous because the it's such a passionate, heartfelt part of the song. Love it.

6. A song which makes you sad/teary.

I just discovered this one recently. It's called "Soon They'll Forget" from a musical called Once We Lived Here by Matthew Frank and Dean Bryant. Mr. Frank himself gave it to my showfit class to learn and perform to him in an audition excercise and I was an absolute mess. The song was so beautiful, and so tragic that it was making me tear up just trying to learn it!

7. A song sung by your favourite female singer in a musical.

My absolute favourite female singer of all time is Julie Andrews. She's basically my idol, so I'm going to say the song "Stay Awake" from Mary Poppins. Yes I know it's a movie musical but it still counts! She sings it so beautifully.

8. A song sung by your favourite male singer in a musical.

I have so many favourite female singers but not many male ones, strangely enough. One I do love, though, is Norbert Leo Butz. He's a fantastic performer and singer. So I'll say "Schmuel's Song" from The Last Five Years. It is such a brilliant song, and so brilliantly performed.

9. A song from a musical you know all (or nearly all) of the lines to.

Hands down, any song from Jesus Christ Superstar. I am a big fan of knowing the lyrics to everything, and JCS is my all time favourite musical that I listened to NON-STOP! I can basically sing the whole recording all the way through.

10. A song from your least favourite musicl.

A musical I really dislike is Xanna Don't. Potentially, I haven't given it a big enough chance, but listening to it once through was enough for me. However there is one song I like from it called "Fast" basically because I have an obsession with singing very wordy songs very quickly, and that's basically what this whole song is about.

That's enough for today! I'll post the next ten questions soon enough :)

Expectations

2011-05-05T17:32:00.004+10:00

Expect a lot from yourself and you'll exceed everyone's expectations but your own.

This was a thought I had on the train on the way home from Showfit today. Personally, I am a big believer in expecting a lot from yourself. In many ways, I don't see the point in setting limits. I strive to achieve as much as I possibly can right now. I want to exceed expectations, and so for myself and in my mind, normal becomes not good enough.

But. This being said. Yes I find high expectations for ourselves to be a mainly positive thing, but lately I have come to understand how negative it can be as well. You can be very hard on yourself if you don't achieve what you've set out to achieve, and as a person with little patience for myself, I get very frustrated in this sense. If I don't get from A - Z quickly enough, I get angry at myself for not being good enough/strong enough/smart enough to be at Z already.

So when are high expectations a good thing and when are they damaging? Should we be easier on ourselves and as a result have to deal with less self-disapointment? Or should we push ourselves to be the very best we can be at all times? I know that people can be really damaged by other people's expectations, but self-expectations are more dangerous I believe. Much more. So what is it? A bit of both maybe... I don't have an answer because I am, at the moment, swinging back and forth between the extremes. I have moments of complete and utter "I can do this. I WILL do this. I am doing this!" mentality and then I get unbelievably frustrated because I can't do this or that and I think I SHOULD be able to do this and that by now. I should be improving. I should be stronger. What am I doing wrong if I'm not?

It's a riddle. At least it is to me. I know no-one can be perfect, and it's pointless to expect that because it's impossible. But I don't quite accept that on some deep, subconscious level. Or something like that. Bleh. Too much to think about! Too much to try to unravel. Maybe you'll have better luck?

Magic

2011-04-23T16:05:00.003+10:00

When I was young, I was obsessed with magic, completely and utterly. I read Harry Potter and believed every word of it (yes, I waited for my acceptance letter to Hogwarts), I watched movies like Matilda and absorbed the whole idea of special powers, and I made fairy houses in my backyard. I believed that dust was made from fairies who had died because people didn't believe in them, and I dreamt of finding magic wands.

Magic was a huge and very real thing to me. I never wanted to give up any belief in magic, and I still don't want to give it up despite being nearly out of my teenage years (gosh!). And while I don't wait for fairies to come to my door anymore, or expect, one day, to close the door with my mind, I realise I haven't actually given up magic, and that's because of two things: 1. My writing. and 2. Theatre.

When it comes to my writing, I can create everything and anything I've ever believed in. I can have a world that lives and breathes magic and in a way I can live through that. And the power of that magic is that maybe one day, other children will learn to believe in magic through that. The ability to create something completely new and completely from your own imagination is magic in itself. It's a thrilling experience and it's one that I feel lucky to be able to live.

But this week my focus has really been on theatre. And boy what a week it's been! Not only did we (meaning Schming and I) get a chance to work on our show with some incredibly talented people, but we were given the opportunity to show it and get some truly constructive feedback. We learnt so much about the show, about where it can go and what it needs. But I also learnt a lot about the magic of theatre, especially in musicals. The fact that our most well received moments are the one's that are less naturalistic goes to show that everyone loves a bit of magic, in the sense that they want something that isn't completely real. In a musical, you can go quite wild with that and the audience will follow along completely, because they want to be entranced by the magic on stage. Take The Lion King for example. The audience can see the people behind the puppets, they know they're not real animals, but still it completely takes their breath away to see an elephant walking down the aisle. You don't need to tell them it's not a real elephant, of course they know that. But being swept up in the moment and magic of the theatre gives everyone an incredible ability - the ability to imagine. The audience fills in the blanks, they make these creatures seem real, more so than the puppeteers do. And I think that's amazing.

Similarly, there is a play on Broadway at the moment called the War Horse. They use puppets as well for the horses and it's the same story. It's not realistic in the sense that they look like puppets, and you can see the people within the puppets, but the audience simply doesn't care. They make it a real horse.

Now I think that's magic, don't you?

Questions

2011-04-15T19:18:00.003+10:00

Once there was a woman who had two shoes and one of them she laid in the river. The shoe nestled between the river grasses and slowly over the days the woman sang to the shoe so that she might have a husband. The shoe grew first a baby and then a boy and then a young man until at last the woman came to the river and found a fully grown man sitting on the river's edge.

"If you bring me the shoe to match this one," she said to the man, showing him the shoe that was the pair of the one she had placed in the river, "you shall marry the spirit of the river and you and your children will have eternal life."

The man said, "And where might I find this shoe?"

"It is in the last place you will look."

The man looked up and saw the moon, who was going to bed late that day.

"I could ask the moon, but as that is the first place I have looked I am bound to be unsuccessful, so instead I shall ask the sun," he said.

The sun was not happy to be troubled by a man but she said she had seen a shoe just like that on the banks of a great river which flowed down from this very river and was no more then a few days's walk. The man was well pleased and set off downstream. But the way was hard and the pathway treacherous beside the wild river. As the man walked his skin grew fur and soon he had transformed into a wolf. The sun passed him by and laughed at his travels.

"You will never find eternal life as a wolf," she said.

The man now spoke to the moon, who was that night full on the horizon and so close enough to talk with.

"The sun has tricked me. Where might I find the show I am seeking?"

I have seen one just like it in the depths of this river, but you must swim deep to find it."

In the light of the moon the wolf swam in the river but no shoe could he find. He was washed downstream in the water's flood and as he journeyed his fur was washed away and he was clothed instead in the shimmering scales of a fish. At last he was swept into the ocean and washed to the show and his fish form slipped from him as he lay on the cold sand. There on the beach a white bird spoke to him. "If you climb that tree over t

here you will find the shoe you seek," she said. "But remember it is in the last place you will look."

And so the man began climbing the tree. When he was only a small way up his hands grew sharp, and soon his arms and legs were black and shiny, and he was transformed into a small beetle. The wind blew at him and rain fell and many times did he cling to the tree for life. At last, at the top of the tree, he found the bird who had laughed at him. She fluttered her wings in the breeze.

"Fly to that mountain over there and look into the waters of the blue lake and you will see the shoe, and there you may choose the gift of eternal life, if you so wish it."

The man was transformed into the shape of a great raven and flew high into the sky and far across the land to the last peak, where the bright light of ice glo

wed white in the sky. Though it took all his endurance to fly so far, at last he gazed into the lake. But, instead of his own reflection, he saw only the sky.

"I am nothing," he said, dismayed. "The lake does not even note my presence. I began as a man and I have journeyed the pathways of beast, fish, insect and bird, but now I am nothing."

"What form would you seek?" said the woman from the river

, appearing beside him at the water's edge.

"My own true form," said the man.

And so the man became the shoe he had grown from in the river.

"You see," said the woman, "you are what you were seeking."

I came across this story in a book called 'The River Wife' by Heather Rose. The whole book is very fable-like, such as this story, and tells the tale of a wom

an who is part of the spirit of a river, and has to keep it in order. She is a human by day, and a fish by night, and dies if she is too far from her river, or too far from water. She falls into love with a human man, despite her promises to her father (another human) to never go near them.

I love stories like these. Yes, they're very stylistic. Yes they can be slightly predictable in their formulation (generally character + question + three tests/experiences = meaning-of-life-style-moral) but they always mean something. Always. It's never just a story for the sake of being a story.

Now this one in particular, I have cropped slightly. There is a tiny bit more to the story (he comes back to life, marries the river woman and they live eternal life with shape-shifting babies) but I like it when it finished right here, because something stands out to me about one of the points of the story. And that is, boy, we think too much sometimes.

I think what the majority of the story is trying to get across is how much we pointlessly question things. It's always how, what, how, what, how, who, when, what, where, what with human beings. We always want to know more, know everything. And in some ways that's a brilliant thing. But in other ways it's entirely meaningless. Lik

e in this story. The man was desperate to know who he really was, wasn't he? By the end of his journey he had lost all sense of purpose, and he wanted to regain it. And the enlightened answer to his plea? You're a shoe.

And we're people. Maybe we're in the exact same situation. We ask the 'Who am I?' questions all the time. And I have to say I don't quite understand them. The whole 'I need to go find who I am' soul-searching thing. Perhaps we should take a leaf out of thi

s book and simplify it, because in all honesty, if I asked 'Who am I, God?!' I was probably get - "You're Emily, stupid."

Maybe God wouldn't say that.

Either way, it's a simple answer. And while I am cautiously spiritually optimistic, I cannot possibly believe that through years of soul-searching and questioning my existence I would find a different answer from 'You're Emily' because basically that is all I am. I am a human, yes, I am a girl, yes, I am Emily. What else is there? If we're asking what we're here for that's a different question entirely, and one I think is answered simply by 'to live'.

So who am I and why am I here? 'I am Emily and I am here to live.' and isn't that a terrific and simple life motto? You don't need anything else!

This is what I think the story is saying in it's round-a-bout way. It's saying, while you can look for who you are as much as you want - to the point where who you are is completely lost in your turning it upside down and inside out to examine it - it's a simple, straightforward, you-are-you answer, and the simplicity and straight-forwardness of this is the exact thing we need.

Anything else and we all seem to get far too confused.

So there you go. That's my personal take on this fable. I bet you read something different into it. Share in comments if you want or keep it to yourself. And t

here's no saying I'm right either, but my answer works for me, and you know what? That's all I want.

Sorry...

2011-03-26T16:31:00.002+11:00

So let's all give me a hearty boo for my level of commitment to this blog...

Apologies! I know, crappy, crappy, crappy. I've been super busy though, to make excuses! With showfit, work, cleaning my room, seeing shows, and so on and so forth I just haven't had the time to blog. But I promise I will make up for it now! Get ready for a super blog!

So back to the 30 day song challenge. I believe I was up to...

Day 3: A song that makes you happy.

Send Me on My Way - Rusted Root

Most of you will know this song from the movie, Matilda. I don't know whether it's because I love that movie so much, or because the song itself it great, it just always puts a smile on my face without fail. There's just something so positive and upbeat about it. It's not a song that you really dance to, or sing along well mostly because you can't understand a word the singer is singing. However, it's the kind of song you picture very happy movie montages (such as Matilda) happening to, where everything is going beautifully and happily and there's too much joy to possible be legal.

Just a beautiful song.

Day 4: A song that makes you sad.

The Letter - Billy Elliot

Even just singing this song in my head makes me teary. It is a song of a letter that Billy's mum wrote him for when he was 18. She knew she was going to die, so this is half a goodbye letter and half a way for her to remind him, when he is older, that she still loves him and watches over him. It is a duet with some beautiful harmonies, but it's not necessarily the music that makes me sad, just the lyrics.

And I will have missed you growing,
And I'll have missed you crying
And I'll have missed you laugh.
Missed your stomping and your shouting,
I'll have missed telling you off,
But please Billy,
Know that I was always there.
I was with you through everything.

Day 5: A song that reminds you of someone.

I think I have lots of answers for this one. Songs that I've performed with people always remind me of them, like when I think of 'How Does She Know' from Enchanted I think of Manford (Haven't used your codename in a while!!) because we were partners in that dance at YABC. Whenever I hear 'Tribute' by Jack Black I think of Monkey because that's our song that we like to rock out to randomly. Music is a huge part of my life, and the songs I sing and perform with people, or just the songs I listen to with them, really connect me to them.

Day 6: A song that reminds you of somewhere.

Hmmm... This one's a bit tougher. It's hard to think of these off the top of your head without your memory actually being triggered from the song. I cannot think of one!! If one comes into my head I'll post it later on but for now I've got nothing. Sorry!

Day 7: A song that reminds you of a certain event.

I wouldn't say this is an event per se, but I always think of it when I hear this song. 'Lovely Day' - it starts off, "When I wake up in the morning light, and the sunlight hurts my eyes."

It takes me straight back to primary school when I was becoming friends with my now best friends. Screws and I were on her trampoline after school making up dance routines that really involved no dancing, just bouncing, running and singing loudly. We did a little routine to this song and when the lyrics said "Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day, LOVEly day, lovely day, lovely day, ahhhh..." We ran around the trampoline in a circle throwing our arms up and down and collapsing when we sung 'ahhh'. We thought it was the most hilarious thing ever. Our parents, who were forced to watch, probably thought the opposite but oh well. We had a heck of a time!

Day 8: A song that you know all the words to.

Well, not to blow my own horn but... I kind of know a lot of lyrics... *tosses hair* It's no biggie.

I love learning lyrics and knowing songs so I tend to learn quite a lot. But most notably, I suppose my thorough knowledge of every single song on the Jesus Christ Superstar album is my crowning glory. I know the lyrics to ever single song. I can sing the whole album from start to finish basically. Can you tell I love it?

SO I think that's enough for now! I've sufficiently caught up! Time to make some homemade pizzas - YAY!

30 Day Song Challenge - Day #2

2011-03-21T18:14:00.003+11:00

My Least Favourite Song

I am a big BIG disney fan. So when someone destroys a beautiful disney classic, boy do I get angry. And when I get angry... I rant on my blog - SO WATCH OUT!

Ashley Tisdale.
Kiss The Girl.
The Little Mermaid.

These three phrases should NEVER be used in a sentance, but unfortunantly and much to my horror, they are. Ashley Tisdale has outraged me with her pop-ified version of the Little Mermaid classic, Kiss the Girl. Far from the style of the Jamaican crab who should be singing this son, Ashley Tisdale sings the song like a pop princess which, in it's own genre is just fine, but when she is taking an old loved disney hummable tune sung by animated animals and sings, "Go on and kiss the guuuuuuurlah!" I just want to form an army of true disney fans to march to her house with pitchforks and flaming torches and say, "NO. Ashley Tisdale. NO."

Lets pray to god no one ever desecrates the magic that is disney ever again.

30 Day Song Challenge!

2011-03-20T13:28:00.003+11:00

Yay for music! To show how much I can't live without music, I thought I'd do this 30 day song challenge and share some of the songs I love/hate. So here you go!

Day 1: Your favourite song.

Okay, please forgive my first answer being a no-answer, but I actually can't pin point a single song as being my favourite. My favourite changes pretty much every day, and I can't possibly list all the favourite songs I have ever had. Also, the thing about loving musicals is that I listen to the whole album, and generally go through a favourite musical stage more then a favourite song stage.

I can tell you the song that I have had stuck in my head so I at least name SOMETHING and that's 'Legally Blonde' from the musical Legally Blonde. It is such a beautiful song, but not only that, it is so heartfelt and sad, and when Emmette (is that how you spell his name?) joins in it gets even sadder. Do yourself a favour and listen to the Legally Blonde soundtrack if you haven't already. It sounds like it would be a terrible movie-musical conversion but it is actually fantastic, and you simply can't get enough of the music!

Blog Pushing

2011-03-11T18:10:00.001+11:00

Hi all!!

I'm advertising a new blog today, written by my wonderful sister.

Not only does she write well, but her blog is far more practical then mine because she gives yummy recipes for you all to steal! So those of you that like cooking/baking, head on over to her blog and have a squiz:

http://ramblingsonaplate.com/

Enjoy!

Devil vs. Angel

2011-03-06T19:20:00.002+11:00

We all know that famous image of an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, whispering things to you and contradicting each other until you're left relatively insane. While I am not yet insane, and I don't have visible angels/devils lurking around my body, I finally understand how this saying came about.

Doing my new musical theatre course, we are expected to do a certain amount of failing in order to learn and develop. We also need to get out of our comfort zone constantly and push ourselves to the limit. As much as I've wanted to do this, I have had trouble with my voice and have had to rest as much as possible, so I haven't been able to really put myself out there. I am now on the mend and have my first fortnightly 'Mock Audition' - this week is for Drowsy Chaperone. I'm singing a song I am fairly comfortable with, it is a genre I am fairly comfortable with. What I am not entirely comfortable with is the idea of varying my normal audition performance (stand, sing, emote and that's it). I am not used to putting on more of a show for an audition and this is what I am going to do. The past few day though, I have caught myself thinking, "Oh, forget about that. Just sing how you usually sing."

Normally, I think I would listen to myself. But I've been so constantly reminded to put myself out there and make risks and fail that I heard this thought kind of objectively and said, "No! Emily, take the risk. if you fall on your ass, so be it."

There you go. Devil and Angel. One telling me to be safe and stay in my comfort zone, the other telling me to go for it.

In a way it is natural to want to stay safe. It's part of human nature isn't it? Life preservation. Defense. But the strange thing about performing is that you have to break down those walls of basic animalism. Why do people get nervous or afraid if they have to perform? Because basic instinct is telling them not to. It's saying 'This is different and scary and maybe you should sit in the corner and wait until everyone forgets about you."

On our first day at Showfit we had to do an exercise that involved doing something totally against human instinctual nature - run across a room with our eyes closed. Our bodies were saying "STOP FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!!" and a lot of people did stop. But the point was we meet that same brick wall when performing. The exercise told us that we have to take out our trusty sledgehammer and knock down that wall.

So while my fear, insecurities and basic human nature is telling me to stay safe, and not put myself in a situation where I could look stupid or fail, I am learning to ignore that... to an extent. I'm not actually going to go running down the street with my eyes closed exclaiming 'Look at my utter commitment and focus everybody!'

That's not artistically relevant, it's just sheer stupidity.

But I AM going to go for it, and take risks and let myself fall over because you can't learn to get back up unless you get on the ground first.

Book Worm

2011-02-27T12:17:00.003+11:00

Hey all,

So I am quite a book worm. I read a lot. I am never without a book, reading every night and as a result I get through quite a lot of books. Some good, some not so good. Regardless, books are my favourite things in the world. To get lost inside a story and forget where you are and what you're thinking for a while, to just be completely absorbed by a character or witness a world you never have the opportunity to witness in real life - it's quite magical really.

Anyway, back to the good/bad books I read. I wanted to share with you some of those today. Three of the worst books I read last year, and three of the best books. Maybe it will inspire you to get out and read some of them for yourself!

BOOKS I WANT TO FORGET

Let's start with the bad one's shall we?

1. "Hush, Hush"

Now this book wasn't badly written, and the story wasn't TOO bad itself. What annoyed the hell out of me was it's very familiar theme of non-human creatures in intense love with a human, being dangerous and exciting and filled with life-threatening situations. Sound familiar? Yes. It was far too similar to Twilight for my liking.

2. "American Gods"

This book, again, wasn't bad in the sense of the writing or even the story concept. It was a cool concept, about Gods living in real life. It was also written by an author whom I quite enjoy, Neil Gaimon. However, it often made little or no sense. Nothing more frustrating then that in a novel! I was continually left thinking, "Waaaaa?" after reading chapters, particularly after a chapter in which a Goddess eats a man with her lady parts and then never appears in the story again. Very very strange.

3. "The English Harem"

This apparently has been made into a movie now. It's about a young English girl who ends up marrying a man who already has two other wives. A lot of stuff happens, yadda yadda yadda. I found the book odd at first, then got quite into the story and found myself really enjoying it. That's until the end. "And then Tracey woke up from the greatest dream of her life."

sbhadlbsdkblsdhj!

TERRIBLE ENDING! Now, this could have been ambiguous. It could have been saying she woke to reality, or alternatively she just woke up from a dream. Regardless, a book should never end with a sentence that has the word 'dream' in it. Not unless they want people to light the book on fire in pure literature rage.

BOOKS I WOULD READ AGAIN

Now onto something a little more positive. The books that were good!

1. "Good Omens"

Funnily enough, this is written by Terry Pratchett (one of my favourite authors) and Neil Gaimon, who wrote one of my least favourite books above as you have read. It was a fantastic read. All about the apocalypse and Angels and Demons, all wrapped up within a terrifically humorous writing style. I would recommend you all to read this one. Very very good!

2. "Jezebel"

I always hear people saying the name Jezebel or read it in books but I never knew who they were referring to. Now I do! The book Jezebel tells the story of the real life princess Jezebel and her incredibly powerful life. It was a fantastic read, mainly because it took a different view. Normally Jezebel is seen or referred to as being evil and corrupting. A force fuelled by sexuality and indulgence in a society and religion that abhors these things. The book took her point of view and it was altogether very interesting.

3. "The Princess Bride"

I had never read the book until last year. Of course I had seen the movie and loved it, but if you are like me and have never read the book, please go read it now! It is wonderful - better then the movie of course, as books usually are. It has great humour and a wonderful, old fashioned story-telling that really draws you in. The story is beautiful, and I believe it is loved by a lot of people simply through the movie. Go ahead and read it ASAP.

So there you go! My three worst loved and three most loved books of 2010. Where would we be without good books, hey?

I'm Gonna Get Up - I'm Gonna Get Out - I'm Gonna Get Up, Get Out and Live it!!

2011-02-08T19:45:00.003+11:00

Hi all!

So I am writing this blog in a state of excitment and jitters from finishing my first two days at my new musical theatre course. Already I am loving loving loving it!! We haven't gotten way into the course yet, but we have done a lot of talking about the course in general. We've also done a dance class, an acting class and we performed solo in front of each other, so it is well under way!!

I am incredibly pumped about this year. The thought that every day I'm going to be doing what I love - completely surrounded by all things musical theatre - is one that gives me that fired up, ready for anything kind of feeling. I think it's just the prospect of what this year is going to give all of us in the course. The teachers have already said to us that we will grow and learn so much and I'm feeling that in the class environment already. There's this whole caterpillar - butterfly metamorphisis thing going; we are all in such a state of readiness to improve and to learn, we're just all so eager to be sponges and soak up everything they give us that there is no doubt in my mind that we will each improve in leaps and bounds.

I know it's going to be a hard slog. The early mornings, the travelling each day, the sore muscles and the confronting situations we will be putting ourselves in, but this is what I call living! I say I like a day in which I have accomplished something, and I'm going to accomplish something new everyday, whether it'll be overcoming nerves to do with a song I'm self-conscious about or mastering a dance step. Maybe even something so small as learning a new fact about this craft that I want to be a part of.

Basically, I am feeling incredibly lucky.

Thank god for Musical Theatre.

Seize the Day

2011-02-01T18:16:00.002+11:00

I felt the time was right for another blog, seeing as my head's about to explode. That's how I usually judge when it's blog time.

So hello to my blog readers out there. How's things for you? We're one month into the new year (eeek) and time is moving rapidly. People are going back to school, some of us are starting new courses. Uni people generally still have another couple weeks of holidays... *shakes fist at uni people*
But to sum it all up, things are happening.
It is actually really freaking me out how quickly the year is going already. I don't quite know why, because there is nothing about this year that I am dreading. In fact I only really have things to look forward to. But still, the thought that time is going so quickly is sitting badly with me. If I was psychoanalyzing myself I'd say this must mean that I am afraid of things changing, but actually I think it may be the opposite. I think I'm more afraid of finishing the year and things NOT changing.
Is that strange?
I really like my life, don't get me wrong, but like I have said in other blog posts I am MORE then ready for some new things to happen, and I guess I'm quite terrified by the thought that I may spend a whole year and not have moved forward or changed in any way. I want to be able to look back at the end of the year and say, "Yep. I did what I wanted. This year is definitely not wasted."

I think I have a problem with the idea of wasting time. It really unsettles me. I was always the person that would stress myself out in school holidays when I realised I had hardly done anything social and I only had a week left. I always had to do as much as physically possible otherwise the holidays were wasted completely. I'm still the same. For instance I'll have a few rest days because I am physically exhausted, but when I get to the end of the day my mind is so annoyingly switched on that I can't sleep, no matter how tired I am. I feel anxious because I feel like I haven't accomplished anything, and a day in which I accomplish nothing is a day wasted.
Seize the day really should be my life motto, but that makes me think of being brave and doing things you normally wouldn't. If I had that as my motto I would talk the talk but not walk the walk. Sure I try new things, I put myself out there, but not where it counts. If it feels easy then that's not really seizing the day and getting out of your comfort zone is it? Actually, come to think of itI do get out of my comfort zone in some ways - auditioning, performing, taking risks and trying to overcome challanges - but in other ways I fail horribly. I can't make it clear to someone that I'm interested in them, I can't put myself out there in that way. Sheesh what a coward! I should listen to my own fake motto and just bite the bullet. Make a day worthwhile.

Anyways, rant ended. My pizza just arrived.
Nighty night!

Who's Crazy?

2011-01-26T18:25:00.002+11:00

I've realised lately that perception is everything. It is an incredibly important thing in life, because it's equally as powerful as reality is. If you perceive something to be true, it will be your reality. It's irrelevant whether or not the fact is actually true.

For example, a person who is colourblind may not be able to see the colour yellow. To them, yellow doesn't exist. That's their perception of the world. To us yellow does exist. But who can prove either of these perceptions wrong?

It brings me back to English in year 12, studying 'Whose Reality'. The whole idea was that reality is different for each person, but that doesn't make it less 'real'. A woman who believes that someone has taken her child when no one has will be equally distraught and desperate as a woman whose child has actually been taken. The reactions and responses are the same, regardless of what's true and what isn't.

It boggles my mind a little bit, because it makes me think 'what's to say my reality isn't real at all?' It also makes me think of the power a mind can have. It's like placebo pills. The perception or belief that something should be having an effect on your body ends up causing a change. It's the sheer mental power that does it, not a drug or medicine. Just thought.

People who are insane don't believe they're insane. All of their thoughts are perfectly justified to them. Everything makes sense. And because it doesn't make sense to the majority of other people, we decide their perception is skewed and they are insane. But at the root of it, in their minds, they are right and we are wrong.

You could study the thought of perception for a lifetime and still not understand everything I think. The human mind is far too crazy.

The reason I started thinking about this was because of a much shallower version of perception, and that is in the social world. How we perceive each other. I was thinking that we can intend something one way and it is taken another. For instance, sometimes when I'm with friends of friends or people that my friend's know, and I'm not a part of that 'group', I automatically assume that they are not interested in talking to me, and so I don't make an effort to start a conversation or form a friendship. Now, to them, I realised I may be coming across as stand-offish, or maybe not very friendly because I haven't been acknowledging them. To me, I see the situation as being one I'm not entirely welcome to but that comes across as being rude.

SO.

How do we solve social perception conundrums like this? You can't change the way other people think about your actions. Nor can you change the way a general social situation is read. I think what you (or really what I) should do about this is to be aware of other people's perception. It's just being aware of other people in general. It makes you much more receptive to other people's actions as well and can clear up some of these awkward misconceptions. But that's what I'm trying to do know. Just be aware of how something can be perceived differently because in all honesty, EVERYTHING can be perceived differently. There is never just one way to look at someone, or something.

We live in a 3D world don't we? So there's the answer. Always remember that everything and everyone has more then one dimension.

We're Halfway There, Wo-OAH - Living on a Prayer!

2011-01-21T20:28:00.003+11:00

Hello my blogger friends,

What's new? In my life; quite a few things I suppose. I'm busy with Glee Tribute show (if you live in Melbourne, come down to Cranbourne tomorrow, Frankston on sunday and other places that I can't remember right now) and watch us smile our way through 9 contemporary songs - you're guaranteed grapevines, the occasional cheesy smile and a whole lot of energy and fun smacking you in the face!

In other news, I got into Showfit (a year long, full time musical theatre course) - HOORAY! I'll actually be doing something this year! So while WAAPA, NIDA and BAPA were unsucessful, I haven't failed completely. Actually I wouldn't say I've failed at all because I learnt a lot doing those auditions, and I don't think you can fail at something if you learnt from it.
So yes, I'll be heading to Brunswick every day to sing dance and act my way onto the stage. :D

In even more other news, schming and I have been having excting discussions about how we could put our show on one day in the future. Yes, it's a long way off and we need to finish the show itself first, but just picturing people performing our work is an inspiring thought.

I've also been very much missing writing. It may sound odd, but I've actually been missing the characters of my book. In a way I'm proud of the fact that I can miss them, because it means I created characters real enough to be missed, but I suppose I am biased. I want to start my next book but I'm trying to have everything planned before I do, and that's taking a while. I'll get there eventually!
Talking about missing something, I can't believe how nostalgic and sad I am about Sound of Music! I loved my kids cast so much and miss them like crazy. I even miss people I hardly spoke to! I'm on that post show crazy time when I just have so much love for everyone. It was such an amazing experience, such an amazing cast, such an amazing show - I feel lucky to have been a part of it.

This is off topic now but I've also been realising lately how unpleasent it is to be ignored by someone that you are trying to make an effort to talk with, or establish a friendship with. Maybe their lack of effort is a hint that they don't want a friendship, but when I try to read the signs I get mixed messages - regardless, whether I'm misjudging or not it's still a frustrating feeling. It is times like these when I wish people (including me) would just speak their mind. Say "hi, I think you're nice and want to spend more time with you" and then, "oh, really? Well I've been wanting to spend more time with you!" or, alternitavely, "Oh, that's awkward. I actually don't like you at all...." *backs away slowly*. Either way, at least I would know!
It's times like these I also wish I had mind reading capabilities. That would save a hell of a lot of thinking time.

oh, p.s. I know I already advertised it, but I saw a run of Spring Awakening today and it was AH-MAY-ZING! Don't miss out because one day you will curse the fact that you could have seen so and so the now famous broadway star back in his/her youth, displaying their freakish talent for the world to see. Seriously, it is fantastic. See it!
(scroll down my old blogs to find the link to the website)

25 Things You May or May Not Know About Me

2011-01-18T20:46:00.006+11:00

1. I am obsessed with Fairytales and Fables. Most people grow out of their fairy/elf/magic loving phase... well I never did. I believe all those old stories and myths about fairies and magical creatures and I'm still waiting on that Hogwarts acceptance letter that got lost in the mail...

2. I don't really hate many celebrities, but I hate both Vanessa Anne Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale with a passion. Vanessa Hudgens for what she did to Rent, Ashley Tisdale for what she did to a classic disney song. Also they're just really annoying.

3. I eat far too many uncooked baked things. In my opinion cake batter tastes better then a cooked cake. It's unhealthy, I know. But it's so damn delicious.

4. I'm a self-proclaimed nerd. I like to read, I like video games, I wear glasses, and occasionally I snort when I laugh. There. The secret's out.

5. I always see faces and pictures in random things, like a mark on the pavement, or in a bunch of leaves. I like to think of some sort of story that goes behind each one, so if you ever catch me staring at something inanimate for a long period of time, that's where my mind has wondered off to.

6. My favourite punctuation is the interrobang. It isn't used enough. Unfortunately I don't know how to type it on my mac, but it's a combination of this: ? and this: ! And it's awesome.

7. I worry sometimes if I'm thinking something mean about someone that they actually have mind reading powers and have heard it all. Insane? I think so.

8. I feel most supremely confident and amazing when I am backstage doing a show. Once I am in costume and in the performing headspace, very little can get me down.

9. I only have 4 or so albums on my ipod that aren't musicals.

10. I like doing anything creative, and as daggy as it is, that includes craft. I love scrapbooking. Don't judge.

11. I own way too many notebooks because I can't resist buying them. I try to find new functions for my notebooks so as a result I seem to have completely pointless notebooks for each aspect of my life.

12. I drink Apple and Blackcurrent juice with breakfast every morning without fail.

13. Nothing annoys me more then someone who chews really loudly. I don't normally get the urge to punch people in the face, but when they chew loudly...

14. I am always reading a book. I read every night before I go to sleep, and have done since I learnt to read.

15. My least favourite television programs to watch are cooking shows. They bore the hell out of me. There's only so many minutes I can watch of someone mixing ingredients together or showing you how to set the oven.

16. I don't understand people who say "that's so funny" and don't actually laugh. If you're gonna say it's "the most hilarious thing I've ever heard", you'd think you'd crack a smile.

17. I look forward to the day that I have my own house so that I can buy things like tea-sets and cake stands and spend a day in Bed, Bath and Beyond.

18. I am incredibly close with my family.

19. Every time I hear someone play an instrument beautifully or every time I look at beautiful artwork I feel inspired to take up that instrument or pick up a brush, even if I have absolutely no talent/technique in that area whatsoever. Seeing someone else's creativity inspires me.

20. I think mnm's are better then smarties, pirates are better then ninja's, and rainy days are more fun then sunny ones.

21. I'm not generally a shy person, but the minute I am around someone who I think is higher up then me on the social status ladder I become a much more subdued version of me. And I tend to think most people are cooler then me.

22. I fidget constantly. Even when I'm absolutely exhausted and collapsed on the couch I'll tap my foot without noticing. Being still for too long doesn't sit right with me.

23. I get incredibly sad when I see someone as being lonely or alone. It always makes me cry in movies when someone is alone, and in real life I absolutely can't handle it.

24. I used to want to be an Egyptologist because I loved ancient history so much. I still love it.

25. My favourite smell is onions frying in oil, and my favourite sound is the Orchestra warming up before a show.

Spring Awakening

2011-01-16T18:31:00.002+11:00

Hey all,

Just wanted to remind any of my readers who live in Melbourne to go see this amazing show called Spring Awakening (follow the link to the website)
It's an incredible musical, with a beautiful score and quite an interesting story to put it mildly. The cast (I have seen some of their rehearsals) are FANTASTIC! It is a group of very talented young performers and I swear there are some future stars amoung them, so get to the website, book your tickets and go see the show because if you miss out you really will be kicking yourselves.

DO IT!
I command you.
Go on.
You know you want to...!

You are the Light of the World

2011-01-13T20:00:00.003+11:00

Different people give off some very different vibes, and we are all quite sensative of these vibes. You can get hostile vibes from people that keep you away from them, you get vibes when you think someone might be a bit dangerous, you get a friendly vibe off an outgoing person. In my opinion, there is one thing that strangles every vibe you can give off and that is self-consciousness.

Have you ever realised that the people you are drawn towards in conversation are the one's that have absolutely no self-consciousness at that time? It's true how they say that people are their most beautiful when they aren't thinking about how they look. That they are the most appealing when they are being completely themselves without fear of how they seem or sound. It's that self-assuredness that I can tell this joke or make this comment because I'm not even thinking about how it's going to make ME look. People who push everything they have inside themselves outwards and think openly about others are the one's that seem the nicest, the funniest...

Then the flipside: when we are self-conscious, we push everything we have inwards. We don't let any of our naturalness (great word there...) show. We strangle ourselves off and this suddenly makes our shine fade. The eye is drawn to the brightest light, but to be so self-aware puts that inner shine deep within us.

That's not to say that people who are self-conscious or self-aware have trouble finding friends or being themselves or having success. The thing is, selv-conscious people to have trouble, they make trouble where there is none. They tell themselves "this doesn't look good" or "I can't pull this off" and by doing that they're making all these statements true. I don't mean to talk about 'self-conscious people' as a race of their own. Everyone's self-conscious at one time or another. Myself included, a lot of the time. The point I'm getting at is that, ironically, it's all a vicious cycle. We worry about looking bad, or not being cool enough, and we send out those vibes and as a result, that is how people view us. We cause the problem, and then struggle underneath it unnecessarily.
When I think about it like this, I realise how truly stupid I can be. How we all can be. Just FORGET about silly self-doubts. Go for it. Seize the day. Insert another motivational saying here.

Basically, don't dim your own light.

Lost Histories

2011-01-05T14:23:00.004+11:00

Browsing through the blogger's of note list today I came across this blog that has heaps of pictures of derelict and destroyed old buildings. The photo's that I found on his site creeped me out no end. All these building's once so well kept (hospitals, theatres, hotels) are now completely abandoned and falling apart, whether due to general neglect or some sort of damage. have a look at the photo's yourself, but I'll post some here:

What is it about these that I find so frightening? Is could just be the fact that they look mostly like scenes from horror films, but even then, without the horror story behind it, they have a horrific feel of their own. A nightmare like qualitiy.

What it makes me wonder, to put it simply, is why do I feel so affected by these buildings? I think human beings put so much stock into what they create; into the building's they construct and design, into the decor and atmosphere - and to think about what these broken building's once were while looking at these pictures is like looking at forest burnt by fire, or the wreckage of the titanic - it's the change that makes it creepy. It's the fact that when we look at pictures like these we imagine (or I do at least) a bit of a slow film reel going through the time frame from when they were whole and beautiful and unqiue - with people bustling through corridors, dancing in ballrooms or birds flying through the branches - to shadows creeping in and paint peeling and all life disappearing. All the stories and lives that were attatched to the place suddenly seem as dead as the place itself. As abandoned, forgotten and broken.

I suppose it's a bit of human nature not wanting change that makes these images so frightening to me. The thought that everything we create should stick and last. It shows that emotional attatchment we have with so many things in the world. In a way it's silly because all it is is a bunch of bricks and mortar. That is just paint peeling from water damage, those are just exposed beams from the roof collapsing, it's all just cobwebs and dust - but we fill in the gaps with stories, and the shadows of the people who once walked the halls still remain. All of a sudden we sense the true history that may have been lost, and I suppose that's the frightening thought. What's sadder then an untold story? What's more chilling then a place that seems to scream "What has happened to me?!"? These pictures - these places - seem to breath with a hidden history, and there is no way to know how terrible these histories could have been. That's what is scary.

Summer's Over, Another Year's Begun

2011-01-01T11:43:00.002+11:00

Once again, I must say long time no blog. Unusually, my lead up to the new year was quite busy and very different to what it normally is. In a way, I feel as if I haven't had holidays yet, and I probably won't get holidays until late Jan. Straight after shows came the news of my grandpa's death, then we had my family arriving, then the funeral and after that it was christmas time. While having the family here was terrific and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my cousins, it does take a lot out of you and I felt as if I could never quite relax. I was on babysitting duty the majority of the time, making robots, playing wii and endless boardgames. I discovered I still have the imagination of a four year old and am able to turn a game of doctors into a hunt around the house for a crazy witch while trying to protect the princess from being stolen from a statue monster.

Christmas was lovely, however. I've never eaten so much food in my life in those few days leading up to christmas (we set out a full dining table of food each night - FEAST!) and it was great sharing the day with young'uns who were incredibly excited for Santa to come.

Soon, most of the family left (except my aunt and grandma) and I got back into rehearsals for Sound of Music, which opened last night (New Year's Eve). The show went wonderfully and my family and friends who came to see it enjoyed it immensely, as did I. While I think it could have gone better in some ways, I'm just glad I got to show everyone Leisl finally, and get some applause and laughs and reactions from the audience which always feeds a performance.

That brings me to 2011. WOW.

I'm finding it hard to believe it is a new year already. It doesn't feel like long ago at all that I was making plans for my gap year, figuring out what I was going to do and where I was headed. And now here I am, one day into a new year and looking ahead.

What do I have to say about 2010? It was, first and foremost, a year of learning. That's what I intended it to be, and happily it turned out that way. But while I expected to learn some new dancing skills and singing techniques, I didn't expect to learn to much as a person and an overall performer. And the reason I learnt so much was because I faced quite a few challenges. It's true what they say: every problem comes with a gift in one hand. For ever issue I had or worry or problem I faced, I learnt something new. I learnt about creating a character and having a comfortability on stage which I struggled with for a while, feeling self-conscious of how I was standing or moving. I learnt about hard work, and how mostly a lot of effort isn't rewarded with any feedback or praise, but personal satisfaction and pride of what I've achieved.

Most recently I learnt how easily you can cripple yourself in a performance. How anxiety about a certain dance or song can set you back until you can barely perform that number. I learnt that to fix this, you need to focus on the character, not on yourself, and have faith in your abilities.

So yes, I have learnt a lot in 2010. And I want to keep learning. And the best way to do that is to face as many challenges and problems as possible. Then I can grow. So bring it on 2011! I'm ready and waiting, and I'm telling you I'm not going to back down without a fight.

3,2,1

2010-12-15T14:32:00.015+11:00

TOP THREE FAVOURITES AND WHY

Movies:

3. Robin Hood Men in Tights

For the simple fact that it makes me laugh every single time, no matter how many times I've heard the jokes.

2. Nightmare Before Christmas

Because it has all those qualities I love that Tim Burton puts in all his movies - darkness, humour, songs, magic and a poetic kind of feeling. The characters are so darn loveable even when they're representing the nightmarish kind of creatures we should fear.

1. Spirited Away

It's not to everyone's taste, but I absolutely love love love this movie. I've seen it so many times but every time it's like I've never seen it before. I can't get past the way these japanese movies have themes of magic and spirits running through them in such a relaxed normal way as if it's completely natural for everyone to believe in them. It seems to say "Of course" after every far fetched crazy magical thing that happens and I absolutely love that. It just makes it all the more magical.

Dream Homes (clearly I'm not aiming for realism here)

3. Chateau in Paris

Yes it's a crazy dream but a chateau in Paris is something I am reaching for. One day when (hopefully) I am incredibly rich and lavishly important I'll have a chateau in Paris with one of those long sweeping driveways, extravagant gardens, maybe some horses. I'll have one of those french provincial style homes with a vintage twist. A girl can dream.

2. Swanky city apartment

I don't specifically have a city in mind but I think it would terribly cool to have a stylish apartment in the city. I love the feel of the city and I'd love to spend more time there. But that busy, switched on feeling you have in every city is something I love. And to be close to everything as well.

1. English Cottage

While I don't really want to live in England, I'd be more then happy to plunk one of their english countryside cottages into Australia for myself. One of those lovely houses right on the edge of an english forest, where everything is beautiful and green and there are little streams and mossy rocks and the sunlight filters through the leaves making everything seem magical and wonderful. It's the complete ideal environment in my mind.

Is it too much to ask for a french provincial style chateau on the edge of an english-style forest in the heart of a city? Come to think of it, yes.

Musicals

3. Title of Show

This is a tough one because my favourite musical changes pretty much every week but this one has been consistent for a little while. It is hilarious, to put it simply. Heidi Blickenstaff and Susan Blackwell do their characters so well and the songs that aren't big jokey numbers are really heartfelt and lovely. All round good musical.

2. Wicked

Yes, it's cliched now but I was once a massive Wicked fan and it shall always hold a big piece of my heart. It introduced me to the idea of broadway, and musical celebrities and the ability to listen to an album and piece together the story of the musical in your head to the point where I had pretty much mapped out the whole show. No joke, I would listen to the album whenever I felt blue and it always cheered me up. So while I'm not as hardcore a fan as I used to be, I will never forget Wicked.

1. Jesus Christ Superstar

This was the musical that made me love musicals. I watched the DVD of this with my Dad before I even knew what a musical was (my god, was there such a time?) and fell in love with it straight away. The commitment in the performances on that DVD, especially Judas and Jesus astounded me. And the fact that they only sung just made me want to live in an Andrew Lloyd Webber rock opera. I bought the album and listened to it until, quite literally, the whole CD case fell apart. Subsequently I know the lyrics to every song, and can sing the whole musical through from start to finish as I long ago memorised the order of the songs. Ah Jesus Christ Superstar, I love love love love you.

Celebrity Crushes

3. James Franco

Amazing smile. Enough said.

2. Darren Criss

How can you not fall in love with Darren Criss? I was hooked from the moment he started singing in A Very Potter Musical. Funny, charming, seemingly intelligent, he has it all - plus he does acoustic covers of disney songs. Like I said, how can you not love him?

1. Ricky Ullman

Not many people know good old Ricky, but he won my heart in Phil of the Future all those years ago. Don't quite know where he is now but he was as cute as can be, plus he had all those future gadgets which made him all the more cool.

Books

3. Terry Pratchett Books

Sorry to be general here but I love all of Terry Pratchett's books. He makes me laugh out loud, I just love the chaotic, wry and dry humour he so effortlessly puts in to all his stories.

2. Harry Potter

Where to start? Yes I know many other people share my love of Harry Potter so it's not unique, but I can not begin to describe my young obsession with these stories, nor how they have impacted me. The idea of magic has always inspired me, and when I was young I seriously waited for my Hogwarts letter. I could not have been more invested in the world J.K Rowling created, and while there may be no Hogwarts, I feel (and many others feel the same I would guess) that I grew up there as much as the characters did. I read the books and followed the stories at the same ages as the characters so in a way I grew up with them. Not many books allow their readers to become so much a part of the story like that. No wonder she's incredibly incredibly rich.

1. The Starthorn Tree

Again, a slightly obscure one maybe. Don't boo me for not having Harry Potter as my number 1 fave until you've read this book. It's by Kate Forsyth, who I believe is an Australian writer (she lives here anyway). Her book was my chief inspiration in writing mine (side note, I thought I was ambitious writing my first novel at 15, she wrote hers at 9!). She weaves this amazing fantasy advenutre story with all the bells and whistles but without becoming too corny. She easily creates this whole world and her characters are just so 3 Dimensional and believable, so that the reader relates to them straight away, something that can be tough. Think about it. J.K. Rowling had 7 books in which to unveil her characters and get us to understand and feel for them. Kate Forsyth does it within the first paragraph of introducing each character.

I think that's enough favourite things for now :) If you have any suggestions for any other top 3 favourites you'd like to hear let me know! It's always good to mix up from my usual emotional rants, right? And who doesn't like lists!?

Respect, Diversity

2010-12-13T12:32:00.000+11:00

"They light a candle And hope that it glows"

2010-12-12T18:22:00.003+11:00

Hi all.

So.

Where to start?

I feel like I have a lot I could fill you in on but to go into detail for everything would take a heck of a lot of blog space and too much of your time. Instead I'm going to say this - A lot of stuff has happened, life has been lived. Feel in the loop now?

I guess not.

I don't really know what I want to say in the post, it's just been a long time since I last checked in and I feel like I've been neglecting you guys a little bit - those of you that still read.

Should I do a quick summary of events? Probably. Here you go then:

YABC shows went brilliantly. Lots of fun, great to be performing and got to spend time with those wonderful people yet again.

Sound of Music is on soon. Rehearsals are going well - Buy tickets!! Type in PLOS productions to google and the ticket sales are on the website.

There's been a death in my family recently which has been hard. The family's coming down, the funeral is soon. I'm singing at the funeral.

My uni plight came off far less well then I'd hoped. It's not defeated me of course but I was upset, and still am a bit. There's still a chance I could be at BAPA next year but there's an even greater chance I won't be so it's time to make other plans.

Sung through the musical again and was incredibly happy with some of the changes we've made. It still has a long way to go but we're on the way and what we've done so far we're quite proud of.

Lately, this week mostly, I've been feeling so out of control with my emotions. Before this week I felt really weak in terms of being able to deal with things. I was getting upset a lot and quite easily, I was constantly judging myself and seeing myself in a bad light. With the things that happened this week I'm more of the same, but I think my emotional capacity is nearing breaking point. I'm just getting incredibly frustrated. I'm finding it hard to deal with.

I keep talking about wanting change. Wanting different things to happen. Wanting to move out, wanting to be at uni and studying, wanting to be given opportunities to grow, wanting to have a boyfriend, wanting to be attractive and mature and unique and ready to take on the world.

I think the problem with wanting so many things is that I hardly know where to start.

And maybe I've stretched myself too thin. Maybe the reason I'm getting so frustrated is because I have my emotions invested in so many things that it's taking it's toll on me.

Maybe I just need a freaking holiday.

Change

2010-11-24T23:08:00.003+11:00

I am ready for change.

So don't be afraid to offer it to me.

Because I won't be afraid to take it.

And They're Off

2010-11-20T17:37:00.003+11:00

So here come the shows!!! Only a few short days away and then we'll be off on another season of YABC performances. I know I mentioned it in my last blog but I really am incredibly excited for these shows. Last semester I wasn't. They just came around and I didn't look forward to them at all, mostly because I didn't enjoy the semester all that much. But then, BAM, the shows began and suddenly I was having the time of my life.

Time to go again!

With the prospect of new and exciting things with these shows (staying away near the theatre, triples quidditch (don't ask. It sounds crazy but I secretly love the idea) and a 14 night solo I know there is plenty to look forward to. Here's hoping my head cold goes away. I have taken enough vitamin C to sink a ship today, plus drank a lot of water and ate some leafy greens, so if that doesn't work who knows what will.

One thing, however, is troubling me no end. And the reason it's troubling me so much is because I can't stop it. And that thing is my unruly and heightened emotional state.

Yes. I have been incredibly emotional over the past week or two, and I cannot shake it. I have been shedding tears far too often, and while normally a good cry helps you move past things, it seems to be leaving me even more vulnerable to those tearful moments. You'd think I'd have a measure of control over my emotions but in all honesty, who does? Who can say - alright, stop feeling this at once. It is doing you no good and you'd better forget it - to themselves and take their own advice easily? No one! Well at least not many people.

I realise as well that I'm probably going to be even more emotional as I get into the shows. The performances put everyone into a heightened state of emotions anyways (why do you think the after parties are so insane?) so I'm probably going to be some blubbering, pathetic mess every time I'm reminded of those things that are screwing with my head so much.

Regardless, despite the fact that I am 19 and nearly out of my teen years, I can't help but be an angsty emotional and unreasonable teenager for a little while longer.

p.s. This is a picture I drew recently. She's meant to represent doubt.

Who knows what our life may hold, just around the Riverbend...

2010-11-16T19:13:00.002+11:00

Hey all,

A lot of stuff has been going on lately. A lot of stuff. Mainly awesome, fun, wonderful, self-growth kind of stuff with a few heartaches and disappointments thrown in for good measure.

I've been rehearsing for Sound of Music which has been fantastic and a lot of fun. Learning the "16 Going On 17" dance has made me super excited about the show and I've just generally been trying to develop my character and be a better actress with each rehearsal.

YABC has been full steam ahead with the shows coming up soon. (HOORAY!) I can't say how much I am looking forward to those two weeks and that amazing feeling the show brings. The joy of performing, the train rides and stories and laughs exchanged, the closeness of the group, and that amazing feeling of confidence that I get when I'm backstage. I really cannot wait.

Schming and I have been working on our musical. Having our first sing/read through was an amazing experience. Hearing people speak your words out loud, adding emotion and intent to them was insane. Boy have we got a talented bunch of friends.

My birthday came and went. I am now 19 (!!!) When the hell did that happen?! I had a great shindig and had a lovely day with family breakfasts and rehearsals to top it all off. Plus some awesome presents such as Fable 3, book vouchers and stunning sexy bathers that I can't wait to wear.

I saw Harry Potter numero 7 last night (:D) which was, I believe, the best movie so far. It didn't miss anything out of the books and while it was a much slower pace then the last movies, it set up the big finale perfectly and had wonderful moments and some tear jerkers. Overall, I LOVED it and can't believe we have to wait till July for the next one!

I have also done 2 out of my 3 auditions. Both were very good experiences, and while I didn't get callbacks I feel I have learnt a lot from them, especially NIDA. WAAPA I was more disappointed with because I was a lot more nervous and a lot more eager to get in. NIDA I approached with an entirely different attitude. I was expecting nothing but experience from it and that is what I got out of it, as well as quite a lot of enjoyment.

SO that's a lot of stuff right? With all these things going on I've been plunged into a lot of a feeling I dislike but that I have to get used to: uncertainty. I'm sure I've mentioned it a couple of times. The thing I like least about it is that it forces you to guess, and guessing never leads to positive feelings, generally. Or if they do you could be severely let down. I think my guessing tends to make me quite delusional.

I've been feeling like I don't quite know where I stand in some instances. YABC, for instance. I can never tell if I'm performing well or not. I feel like I am, but who knows? Similarly, I felt like I performed better then some people at the NIDA audition but I could be completely wrong. It's so hard to tell when you don't get feedback. And this is ow the industry is, and I'll come to terms with that but it's still a strange thing.

But socially as well. I try to make guesses about what other people think. That maybe the person I like shows some interest in me. But these are guesses and are mainly clouded by hope, and in reality I'm not noticed by him at all.

OKAY so I may be sounding a little down, and overly negative. As I said before I'm allowed my sad moments occasionally and I don't let it get me down most of the time. But there are a few things that have been weighing on me for a while and those things grow and soon start to invade other aspects of my life and who I am. I shocked myself the other day. I was preoccupied with my own thoughts and emotional turmoil and I said something in a way that I didn't like at all. It was abrupt and unfeeling and while it didn't do any damage it showed me how being that self-focused can turn you into someone you don't want to be.

Anyways.

Just some of my thoughts. Just me continuing to go through a year of self-growth and change and crazy emotions that I haven't had to experience before. It's all part and parcel of growing up, right?

I'll keep you posted as exciting happy things continue to happen and we can have some smiley cheery posts for a while :)

2010-11-05T11:56:00.000+11:00

No Regrets, and No Forgotten Moments

2010-11-01T15:12:00.005+11:00

I thought the other night, people forget about life every so often. Well, not forget about LIFE I suppose, that's kind of hard to do. They just forget to live the way they used to.

In your life, you have several moments when you are in complete awe of this whole concept of living. The first is when you're a child. When you wake up early every morning, impatient for the next day to start. When you can spend a whole day learning just by wandering around the backyard and not get bored. When you want to stay up just that little bit later every night to cram more into your exciting adventure of living. As a kid, you don't take it for granted.

Then you go through a different stage where other things take over. Where you want to sleep in all the time. Where you don't want to go out shopping with your parents anymore because it's boring and you'd rather stay home and watch T.V.

Things change, and once again you can't get enough of this life that is open for you. School is over and with adulthood comes a degree of freedom. You're discovering a career, you're discovering love and relationships and testing the boundaries and spending all night out.

Then responsibilites and work and ambitions come into play again, and that's not a bad thing. It's just a different way of living in which a day is a day and there's things to be done.

So then there comes the midlife crisis stage. This is when people stop and think, oh god, I have had this whole time in my life where I let days go by without having something memorable in them. Without learning something. And then, in a desperate bid to experience that free joy of the early 20's people buy expensive cars, go on lengthy holidays, try out new fashion styles, get younger lovers.

It passes, of course. And then it's back to the normal life.

And finally comes a different kind of enthusiasm for life. A reverence. In which you come to understand life and enjoy the rest of yours peacefully, without too many worries, without letting days pass unmemorable.

This is how I see it anyway. These parts of our life are the most important. And I want to live every day as a child, testing the boundaries, going through a midlife crisis and peacefully accepting that time passes. I never want to say "I'm too old for that". I want to still be able to laugh like a child at anything remotely amusing. And I want to give each day something that makes it memorable.

So life, here I come.

To Life

2010-10-18T15:40:00.003+11:00

Once again I must apologise for the unforgivable neglect towards you, my blog readers, in the past few months (that is, if I still have any blog readers after very VERY long gaps between blogs).

What can I say?

There has been a lot of stuff to do. There's been songs to sing, Harry Potter to be read, cookies to be bakes, monologues to be learnt, tears to be shed and dance steps to be forgotten. In short, there has been a life, and I have been living it.

So finally here is a blog post - Hooray! About nothing in particular of course. I did have several ideas for blogs, none of which I actually wrote so now I've got a big load of zip in ways of topics. I do have plenty of general life stuff happening, want to hear about it?

I'm going to pretend you said yes and tell you. WELL. There is officially three weeks until my first uni audition (eep!!). WAAPA is the first one, nice and early in the morning, the day after my birthday. A week later is NIDA and then some time around the last week of November is my BAPA one. All very soon.

Scary.

I have been panicking (side note: every time I see the word panicking typed I always accidentally read it as picnicking which is far nicer I think) and stressing and working very hard to try and get those pesky monologues and songs chosen, learnt and up to scratch. I have been INCREDIBLY lucky though and have had helpers around every corner willing to give me lessons and tips. Thank god for a performing family that's all I can say. And for those wonderfully talented family friends - you know who you are! I just want to say thank you to all of you. What a lucky girl I am to have you around :)

Apart from the auditions, other things have been going on. Sound of Music, for one. I am playing Liesl in an amateur production and rehearsals are well underway. The directors are lovely and I'm having a terrific time Doh-Reh-Mi-ing with everyone. It feels wonderful to be in a show again! And the children's cast are absolutely adorable. I've discovered that one of the cutest things in the world is when two very small children (the two Gretl's) have a serious conversation together about the dance moves and their acting. Seriously. Adorabubble!

I spent today trying to enter a writing competition for a writing mentor. Unfortunately, I discovered after doing all the preparation that I am NOT eligible to enter :( Thus, I have a piece of writing talking about my book that has no where to go so I am going to post it here just so it wasn't all for nothing.

Again, sorry for the lack of posts, and I hope someone is still reading this!!

"I started my novel, ‘The Twelve’ in 2006 when I was 14. I didn’t have an idea in mind when I began, I was inspired from reading a book written by a young author and decided I wanted to give this writing thing a try, so I sat down and I tried, and a year later I had finished the first draft of my very first novel.

The story developed and grew with every word I wrote, and I was spurred on by my love of fantasy and a vivid imagination. Over the past 4 years, I have worked on my novel every chance I got, spending much of my school holidays in front of the computer or reading over chapters and making changes. Having never written before, the editing process was a real learning curve for me, and it has taken me 4 drafts to improve and enrich the story that felt like it was writing itself. Now, I am 18 and ‘The Twelve’ is a fantasy adventure aimed at children aged 8 and up. I believe it is also a book that adults can read and enjoy, as long as you enjoy adventures filled with fantasy, puzzles, and magical creatures.
I have already learned so much just by delving into this story, but I know there is much much more to learn about story telling and it’s magic. Through this mentorship program, I would not only be improving my writing, but I would be getting the opportunity to understand more about the world of writing so that when I go to write my next novel, which I have already started planning, I can create a richer, more compelling world that may inspire someone else to pick up a pencil and write"

Returned

2010-09-29T21:50:00.003+10:00

Hi there everyone!

Very sorry for my lack of blogging recently but I had very good reason, and that was that I was overseas lapping up the culture and excitement of London and Paris.

Yes, people, I am now a worldly traveller.

I can't possibly sum up the entire trip on this one post but I'll tell you a little about it until I see whoever it is that I see and give the full story to.

Summary of the trip: Basically it was a two week trip with my older sister, starting off in London for 5 nights and then Paris for 6 nights. We met up with two friends already over there in London, and joined another in Paris so we weren't too alone and confuzzled in a different country.

Summary of London: London was terrific and really opened my eyes to how different two countries can be. I suppose when I thought about different English-speaking countries such as London before, I kind of imagined everything to be very similar to Australia, just in a different part of the world and with sexier accents, but so many things were different. The whole atmosphere is different. The people (no offence Londoners) weren't as friendly especially the shop keepers who all seemed bored out of their mind. A friendly foreign coffee shop barista told me he thinks English people don't know how to work and have fun, whereas Australians find the fun in everything. Go us.

The driving is also crazy in central London. I felt as if our hotel shuttle was about to flatten some people in the streets. This is because the pedestrians seem to not care AT ALL about traffic. They have this nonchalant kind of way of standing in the middle of the street that clearly says, "Hey, I KNOW you won't run me over, you're going to stop, because if you don't you'll have a big fat lawsuit headed your way" and most of these pedestrians were wearing the business suits to prove they're not bluffing. That's another strange thing about London - we saw many baby-faced boys in business suits, boys who looked like they should still be in year 9, not wearing sharp cut suits and stylish skinny ties.

It is also beautifully green in London. So many parks and trees and it's all a different kind of green. We have a browny yellow tinge to all our green in Australia, their's is like a fairytale forest, lovely and lush and makes you want to unpack a picnic and do nothing for a while.

We resisted the temptation to laze about though - five nights is not much! We packed it full of shopping at H&M, markets, three West End Shows, tourist attractions and museums (I discovered my deep and lasting hatred of modern art. I saw far to many Homage's to the Square for my liking).

Summary of Paris: Boy was I excited to be heading here. This time I was expecting big changes, after all they speak a different language, that's a massive change.

We realised several things about Paris. One, it's difficult to tell whether they want you to speak French or not. I was all geared up to whip out some of my remembered French grammar but at the first restaurant the guy ignored my French automatically, seeming annoyed by it, and commenced to speak in English. Other places flat down refused to speak English at all. Most people seemed to think I was French, maybe because I said bonjour with enough R roll to make them happy, but still the inconsistency threw me.

Next thing I noticed: I thought English driving was bad.... French driving is truly awful. Our shuttle driver from Disneyland told us that all French people are bad drivers, but it maintains a nice balance because they cancel each other out. If one of them was a good driver, chaos would ensue. We were also told that car insurance doesn't cover the round about around the Arc du Triomphe because there is an accident there, on average, every half an hour. Wowza.

Paris is a beautiful city, it really is. Yes, it is a bit dirty, and yes, there are a lot of beggars and gypsies (we got warned on a tour about all the cons people pull, and some of our fellow tourists got dragged into a choice few). And yes, we were staying in an area of Montemartre that was quite close to the red light district, but the very central Paris, all along the Seine, was stunning. And the artsy area of Montemartre was as well.

Again, we kept busy in Paris. We did two walking tours, the Eiffel Tour, Versailles, went to many French restaurants (all that oddly had the exact same menu...) and pigged out on at least two ice creams a day. Overall, a very good result I think!

So that's my brief summary of my trip. There were a couple of hitches on the way, (travel sickness and stomach flu, bleh!) but everything was splendiferous and an amazing experience. I am incredibly incredibly grateful to have gone!!

Cheer

2010-09-09T16:08:00.003+10:00

Hey there folks,

So with feeling generally down lately I've decided it's time to perk myself up with some positive cheerfullness on this blog. I am going to achieve this by listed all of the things that give me that happy warm and fuzzy feeling:

Being outside in the rain
Yes, it's a health risk as they say, but I quite simply love the rain. And for me, getting caught in the rain adds something good to the day.

Looking back at my novel
At the moment my novel is a bit neglected as I am just waiting to hear back from people about it. But the other day I flicked through it and felt that lovely nostalgic pride. The characters feel like familiar friends to me, and flicking through and reading bits remind me of when I wrote it and what inspired me. It reminds me of looking at an old favourite photo.

The start of Spring
There's a certain feeling about the start of Spring that always makes me feel happy. It's the reminded or September holidays of the past, of music playing in the house with the sun streaming in and the promise of some change.

Reading Harry Potter
What can I say? It's my comfort book.

Cuddles
In my opinion, there is nothing nicer than someone showing you how much you mean to them by giving you a wonderful hug. And vice versa. I'm always up for a cuddle.

Rare perfect moments
Very occasionally, I get this feeling of a perfect moment. I don't know if any of you get the same thing. It can be in a completely ordinary situation but it's this surreal sort of feeling that everything is right with your world. It's very calming and encouraging and is certainly a warm fuzzy moment.

There we go. That's as cheering as a basketful of Kittens. Mission accomplished!

For Sweet Liberty I Pray

2010-09-06T16:25:00.002+10:00

I'm starting this blog with no real topic in mind. I just felt like blabbing for a little while about whatever pops into my head. So what first?

Random Thought Numero Uno

I have been released from the repressing shackles of a YABC reliant life - in other words, I am finally doing some performing that's not to do with CPCA. As much as I love YABC, I absolutely had to do something different. Let's be honest here, we all know that it's in it's own little bubble. You don't get any true representation of where you stand - one minute you could be getting better solo's, the next nothing. You generally don't get told how you personally are improving despite the fact that it is an improvement based company. Thus, basing your entire idea of your impending career on such a place is very VERY unwise.
So I got into the PLOS production of Sound of Music playing the role of Leisl which will be wonderful. I'm very excited and thrilled and cannot wait for the first rehearsal!
And I must say after finding out, at YABC on friday night, for once, I didn't overly judge myself.

Random Thought Number Two

I have realised lately that human beings really have very little control over their emotions. Yes, we like to believe that we can remain composed in tough situations, that we can logically look at our own problems and react accordingly, that we can turn off senseless feelings. But it's not true.
In some ways we are slaves to our emotions. We live our lives striving to be happy, fearing disappointment and sorrow. And that's fine, that's the point of life, isn't it? To find happiness?
The slave to your emotions thing is most frustrating when you know that your emotions are stupid. When you can say to yourself "There is no point feeling that way, so stop it" but you still can't. Feelings can't just be switched off immediately, however much we may want them to be. So we still emotionally invest in lost causes (or at least I do) knowing full well that it'll only end in disappointment.

Random Thought Number Three

Actually I'm drawing a blank here.
Wait, no. Here's something - the best things in life happen quickly, so grab them while you can.

Down in the Dumps

2010-09-01T19:53:00.002+10:00

Boy have I been down in the dumps lately. I just haven't been able to shake some negativity over a couple things and it's really weighing down on me.

What makes it ridiculous is I have a lot of things to be happy about right now so I'm on this emotional roller coaster, one minute being quite happy and content with how things are trundling along and the next minute wallowing in some self despair.

I apologize for not blogging in a while. Things have been . . . I was about to say busy but then I realised that would be a lie. You know when you have this false business where you feel like you're going all day but then you look back and think - What did I actually DO today? That's how I've been. Pottering about, doing bits and pieces or filling time until a class I have or an audition or an outing or something like that. And playing Sims of course. I've become newly addicted.

What's news? Oh yes, I got a callback for Sound of Music tomorrow (fingers crossed!) I would very much desperately intensely obsessively love to do a musical right now. I need something other than YABC to base my judgement of my impending career on.

I went to BAPA open day on the weekend and started to think maybe WAAPA isn't the be all and end all. BAPA has some great pro's to it right now - ease of accommodation (as I already know people who I could live with); cheapness of accommodation; closeness to family and friends. All in all, it seems to have equal standard of teachers and such, the quality of performance was fantastic, the facilities looked great. So yeah. I'm reevaluating a little bit.

Europe is fast approaching. Under two weeks now (!!!) and everything is officially booked paid for and organised. The only thing left to do is go! And go I shall. I'm sure a lovely walk around Paris will cheer me up considerably :D

At Seventeen

2010-08-25T20:44:00.001+10:00

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth

And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say, "come dance with me"
And murmur vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems at seventeen

A brown eyed girl in hand-me-downs
Whose name I never could pronounce said
Pity, please, the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve
The rich-relationed home-town queen
Marries into what she needs
With a guarantee of company and haven for the elderly

Remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
In debentures of quality
And dubious integrity
Their small town eyes will gape at you in
Dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received at seventeen

To those of us who knew the pain
Of valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me

We all play the game and when we dare
To cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say, "come dance with me"
And murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me, at seventeen

"At Seventeen" - Janis Ian

I think...

2010-08-24T20:13:00.003+10:00

So I'm at that time again in which I have to play the waiting game. Some of you may remember my previous post about it (if you would like to read it, here you go!). In this post I was waiting the arrival of my Solo email for YABC. While I have recieved my email already for this semester, I'm still playing the game of endless patience while I wait for an email about an audition I just did for a show I REALLY want to get into.

So yes, I realised the irony of the repetition in my life and it got me thinking - and then I thought

HOLD IT.

Emily, why must you always stop and think about these things?

Paradoxically that got me thinking about over-thinking. A tendency that I have and suffer from.

I think about things too much, and I bet you any money that many other people think this as well. I'm constantly looking into things too deeply, trying to gouge out some further important meaning from trivial things.

An analogy I can think of is a story our Tap teacher was telling us about in YABC the other week. He said he was teaching the 'Cool' dance sequence from West Side Story to a bunch of Uni students. While teaching it, these intellectuals were asking things like 'What does this move symbolise?' and 'How does a triple pirouette here refer to the ever-declining respect and tolerance of today's social and ethnic minorities?'

My Tap teacher could only think 'It's a dance. You dance it.'

Essentially, I'm trying to say that I try to ask these questions about things that really I shouldn't bother because that's not their point.

I find that I overthink things the most in a few situations. For example:

Boys. This is a give in. Girls are always trying to decode what a boy could possibly be meaning when he says this, or what this smile or that laugh can tell you about their feelings. In all honesty, most of my artful interpretations are nonsense and I bet I'm wrong about everything so really, I should learnt to stop over-thinking it.

Auditions. For some reason, after an audition, my brain kind of fogs out the details and to compensate for this, I fabricate to fill in the blanks. This is a bad thing. I suddenly see the hmmms or the bland reactions as satanic portents of doom and a failed career.

Days of Nothing. This refers to the days in which I laze about, play Sims, watch a movie and do pretty much nothing worth while. A day like this bites back at me once I'm trying to go to sleep. My brain, painfully ianctive for a full 12 hours, takes it's revenge by buzzing non-stop with thoughts about everything under the sun. This is when the majority of my over-thinking/analysing takes place, because the first two dot-points like to invade and have their say as well as everything else.

Yes. Overthinking, one of life's major pests.

News, News, News

2010-08-18T17:56:00.008+10:00

Hello all!!

Now I was aiming to leave it a couple of days before

I posted again but I was so full of exciting news that I was about to burst and needed to get it all out of my system tout suite!

News piece #1:

I'M GOING TO PARIS AND LONDON NEXT MONTH! Yes I mysteriously mentioned it in a previous blog but did not elaborate just so I could increase suspense, did it work?

So yes indeedy, Emily is heading out to

Europe in under a month for 11 jam packed days of to

uristic wonder and french sophistication. It's all paid

for now, everything is organised now we just have to wait!

I'm going with my older sis, otherwise known as xena and we will be meeting up with several fellow blogging friends and some not so blogging, inc

luding rubix, and chatterbox, and wrong will meet up with us in Paris for some Disneyland adventure (!!! Disneyland !!!)

Another exciting thing is that we're staying on West End!! EEP!

It's been decided that we'll try to find attractive English (straight o

f course) musical theatre stars.

News piece #2

I bought an incredibly awesome wonderful professional proper-clicky sounding camera today. It takes beautiful photos but I have to learn how to use

it properly first. I did experiment a little bit today - here are some of the photos!

I love my new camera.

News piece #3

I'm writing a musical with Shming!

Yes, what started as a hilarious dramatic non-naturalistic piece about the Bermuda Triangle has actually been developed into a half decent synopsis, the first 4 songs and the first 6 scenes. Okay so we scrapped every bit about the Bermuda Triangle (sorry to those fans who loved this idea - and there were many I'm sure! It has potential!) and focused it around 5 year 12 students instead. It is incredibly exciting and it's moving really fast. Shming's musical talent never ceases to amaze me and I cannot wait to start workshopping it some more once the draft is done and get some people singing it!

News piece #4

While this isn't nearly as life changing as any of the other news pieces, it is an important part of my day. I took a gamble on a scratchy and... wait for it... I won! 5 smackaroos!

With glee I bounded up the the newsagents counter and demanded my winnings. And you know what the guy said?

"Do you want to buy another scratchy?"

Now we know how gambling problems start.

"No, I will quit while I'm ahead, take my five dollars and buy a packet of musk sticks and a push pop thank you very much."

It wasn't until later that I realised I really only won $1 as the scratchy cost $4 in the first place.

Damn the misleading world of passive gambling.

Want #10

2010-08-16T19:43:00.006+10:00

So we're finally here. The end of my blog a day want challenge (please forgive me for missing yesterday. The internet was broken - it wasn't my fault!)

Once this is over I can get back to more infrequent posts (for those of you that are irritated by daily updates. *cough cough* Other half.) that talk about daily things. i can fill you in on my news and all that jazz.

Mais, premierement, here is my want #10.

WANT #10

To keep wanting...

I never want to stop wanting things. My wants are my driving force in life. They compell me to write life-to-do-lists, start crazy projects like writing a musical, commit myself to writing a book - if I didn't have wants I wouldn't audition for shows, get roles, learn new dances, develop skills.

Basically, if I didn't have wants I would just sit, at home, staring catatonic out the window and never do anything worth while.

(musical reference in that paragraph, anyone pick it up??)

My wants are so much a driving and vital part of my life that sometimes I think they could be the most important thing about me. About anyone in fact. We've established that wants make you try new things, get yourself out there - but they also create who we are as people. They form our personality to the point that without wants there would be little substance to who we are. When I meet new people, I love to find out about who they are by asking what they want to do, what their aspirations are. That is one of the most interesting and insightful things I can here about to get to know someone. Without those aspirations, no one would really bother getting to know each other because what is there to get to know?

So my big finale for this Want themed marathon is just this: to never stop wanting. To never stop reaching higher for new things, wanting better things for myself or wanting a change. To never stop having an opinion or wanting to make that opinion made. To never deny my tastes but to always want to show and share who I am through the things I aspire to.

I hope you out there reading this want the same thing.

Want #9

2010-08-14T15:34:00.002+10:00

WANT #9

To know what I need

I'm nearing the end of my 10 want challenge, and this want is a rather important one. All people need to know what they need, so that they can fulfill these needs. I mean, if we couldn't understand or communicate what we need we'd be babies again.
To be a functioning adult (and I like to believe that I'm nearing the 'functioning' status) we need to be able to recognise what it is that we need. So many needs in that sentance.
SO we have to be able to say "I need food" "I need warmth" and all those other rudimentary physical requirement. But it's more than that. We also have to be able to say "I need to be stronger" "I need to accept help" "I need to learn to cook so I can feed myself and not collapse in a pile of adolescent incompetance"
So as much as wants are a base part of life, needs are what get us through so that we can survive long enough to develop wants.

So there you go. I want to know what I need so that I can need to want.

Want #8

2010-08-13T14:00:00.002+10:00

Want #8

To have skills galore

I really want to have a lot of strings to my fiddle, as they say. I want it to be like in the sims (yes, I am a Sims addict) how you open up their skill panel and they have like 5 maxed skills and then all the little certificates to show how skilled they are. I would like that, although in real life form.
Everytime I see someone show great skill in something (mostly in something creative) I want to be able to do it as well. I don't care how random the skill is, I just want to be able to do it. I've gone through phases when I was younger when I wanted to be an awesome Irish dancer, then there was the time I wanted to be able to yodel. So maybe one day I'll actually learn these skills and be a pro Irish dancer yodelling portrait painting kazoo player. Sigh. A girl can dream can't she?

Want #7

2010-08-12T23:03:00.004+10:00

WANT #7

To know what I want

In all honesty, I could not figure out what this post was going to be about. Superficially I have heaps of wants. I could say 'I want a new camera with video and awesome quality' or 'I want to go to another party soon' or even *gasp* 'I want a boyfriend'. But it kind of seems a bit pointless to talk about those things. You wouldn't be very interested in me listing new camera options and I wouldn't be very interested in writing it.

All those superficial wants put aside then, it's actually more challenging then expected to come up with deeper ones. To think of what I really want. Love? Laughter? Success? Yes, and more. But they're give ins.

So this is what todays blog post is about. I want to know what it is that I want. Wouldn't it be cool if you could just pick up a magnifying glass, aim it at your mind and there it is all spelt out for you in black and white. Emily wants this this and this with this time frame in mind, aaaaand... go! Achieve achieve achieve.

Unfortunately it's impossible so I'm resorting to option B: blog about it until I eventually figure it out.

p.s. Thanks to loversinmotion for their lovely comment :) Look everyone, I have a legitimate reader!

WANT # 6

2010-08-11T20:11:00.002+10:00

WANT # 6

To be acknowledged.

This one is a tough one because I really should know by now that being acknowledged generally does not happen often in writing or performing. That's the tortured life of an artistic soul, right? The deep and meaningful reason behind art is the eternal struggle for the all impossible acknowledgement. I think that's a great dramatic tagline for artists. It has just the right balance of self-deprecating depression and empty justification. Wow.

So even though every performer/writer/artist/dancer/tight-rope walking mime knows this, we seem to be the people who need acknowledgement the most. How ironic. Performers rely on their confidence and self-worth, and yet they will always want to know what other people think.

Who came up with this equation?!

So yes. As much as I know it's ridiculous, I want acknowledgement if I can get it. I want to know that I'm heading towards the right career, I want to know if I have a chance. In a perfect world, I would want for the amount of recognition I get to equal the amount of effort I put into something but that's not going to happen. Nevertheless, I want it.

I wonder, does a lack of acknowledgement take away the meaning in something? If a person performs the most amazing song ever heard in the world, with the most beautiful voice, and no one is there to hear it, does this make it less amazing? Just lately I've being thinking about this blog as an example. I don't know who reads this (if anyone) because I don't get told by web-hits or comments and the like, and that's fine. But still, I find it an incredibly depressing thought to think that I write these posts and there's a chance they will go unread. Maybe no one will read it. It sort of makes it feel a bit pathetic really.

So do you agree? A lack of acknowledgement can sometimes really damage the worth of something. On the flipside, too much acknowledgement can do the same.
Happy medium, I think!

ANYWAYS!

Moving on from the wants for a minute. I have news.

I am going to Europe.

!!!!

You read correctly!! In a month's time I shall be in Europe, in another country, on another continent, surrounded by people speaking another language.
Exciting, no??
More on this in a later post! For now, goodnight blogging world!

Want #5

2010-08-10T20:40:00.002+10:00

WANT #5

To have magical powers.

This one is pretty self explanatory. All I can say is that it would be pretty damn awesome.

WANT #4

2010-08-09T14:33:00.003+10:00

Before I start with my wants I'll just direct you to the sidebar right here: -------->

There's two new blog links to some friends blogs. "The Life that is a Rollercoaster" and "Whatta Nerd" Have a look!

Now, moving on.

WANT #4

I want to inspire the imagination

I want to inspire other people to create in the same way that I was inspired. I want everyone to have an imagination that could rival any kid. I hate how we lose that part of ourselves as we grow up. I want to hold onto it, and I have to hold onto it as a writer, and as a performer because without a wild imagination I wouldn't be able to do either of those skills.

I want to inspire other people to want to inspire other people. I want everyone to keep a part of their childish self. I want everyone to be able to have fun spinning over monkey bars without thinking that they're 'too old for it'. I want to come up with crazy ideas and write them down into crazy stories and I want people to wonder, 'How on earth did she come up with that?' I want everyone to be able to see shapes in the clouds and faces in a splotch on the road.

That's what I want. For everyone to take pride in their imagination.

Want #3

2010-08-08T17:37:00.003+10:00

WANT # 3

I want to be brave

I wish I was braver sometimes. Well, not brave exactly, more that I wish I had more faith in myself. Now that sounds like I'm hating on myself... it's not like that! Here's what I mean: I have self-confidence in many aspects of my life, where I lack is in how I think people percieve me. Maybe I don't give myself enough credit. I wish I was brave enough to go up to certain people I want to talk to, and just talk to them without thinking that by doing that I'll seem weird or annoying. I wish I could trust that I have an effect on other people. So this probably doesn't make sense without me spelling it out but I'm not really about to do that because there has top be some measure of privacy in a blog. Basically what I am trying to say is my perception of myself is unstable - it changes constantly and a lot of the time I doubt what there is in me for people to like.

Some girls have that natural sort of confidence that suggests 'of course you want to be talking to me' not in an egotistical way though. Just that self-assuredness. And I suppose that's what makes them attractive, that confidence.

I wish I had that confidence. I want to be more brave.

Want #2

2010-08-07T21:24:00.002+10:00

WANT # 2

I want Adventure.

I really do. I want to explore somewhere new, I want to travel and start new projects and perform in new exciting things. I want something amazingly incredibly exciting to happen, and I want to be challanged by it and I want to learn and develop from it and come out of it as a better person, having seen the world that little bit more.

So that's more than one want, granted, but they're sub-wants under the main adventure tagline.

Most people want some sort of adventure. At least I hope they do. Who doesn't like being adventurous once in a while?

When I was little, I used to have a best friend called Cybelle, and we were just a tad over-obsessed with Harry Potter, but we would make up these amazing adventures (as kids do) in which there was plenty of magic, and there's was always a bad guy and we always won, of course. As kids we live through adventures like that all the time, and that's what's so exciting about childhood. Even though it's only our imagination, it's compeltely real to us. We get a little bit disillusioned as we grow older, don't you think? It takes a lot more to thrill us. An adventure isn't the same as it used to be.

I want a childhood adventure again.

Don't care how, I want it now

2010-08-06T10:53:00.002+10:00

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately from people I know that have been talking about wants. What they want out of life, and for other people and for themselves.

Sometimes I think wants come across as being very selfish, but I don't think this is right. Yes, our needs are more important, but wants are like the mental focus where needs are the physical. They're not selfish because they're paramount to life. Really, if we didn't want things (and didn't verbalise those wants) nothing would ever be done. There would be no big inventions because no one would want to make change, there would be no relationships because no one would want to make the effort. You see what I'm getting at?

Wants are an instinctive and important part of human nature so there is no point denying the fact that we all want things, some reasonable, some ridiculous.

For the next ten days I'm going to post a want a day. Just ten major/minor/random wants that I have for this year. I'm not sure what they are yet so we'll so how impossible some of these wants are as we stumble along.

So:

WANT #1

I want to be in a Stephen Sondheim musical.

I've recently watched a filmed copy of the original cast of Into the Woods. It renewed my love for all things Sondheim. I can't see a greater honour than to be in one of his musicals.

The thing that draws me to them is the lyrics, and that's what he's famous for. He started in a time when the music was more important than the lyrics, but he ignored that. It wasn't about the lyrics fitting into the music, it was about the music working around the lyrics. All those wordy lines with rhythmic rhyming and then lack thereof - I just love it. The conversation like songs, fast paced and where every single word is there for a reason, not just to fill in a note or flesh out a phrase, but to actually say something.

So, that's want numero uno. I want to be in a Stephen Sondheim musical.

Stuck in a Rut

2010-08-02T19:51:00.004+10:00

Although my last post was quite cheerful overall, I haven't been in the best of moods. So here comes a little bit of a rant, be prepared.

I feel really stuck in a rut lately. Like I'm not really moving anywhere. This year has been like that, understandably because it's been a bit of a limbo year. A transition year. All I've been doing, essentially, is waiting until the auditions.
But considering the effort I'm trying to put into making some big changes with myself, I'm not feeling any of it. My dance technique hasn't improved that much, and I wasted the first half of my year a little bit with not so great classes. My singing is the same, no improvements on belting here. I haven't done anything for my acting. Writing is neglected while I wait to hear from people. Socially I'm quite content but romantically I wouldn't mind some changes.

There's the bulk of my pessimistic rant for you.

I was talking to screws the other day during an epic texting session, and we concluded that this year is a big fat pain because all we want to do is go roaring into our career headfirst, do the things we really want to do, but we're stuck waiting, working in fish and ice cream shops, earning money, doing degrees and trying to improve skills. We want to have freedom to be adults but we want the security of home. We're kind of torn between a ridiculous need for new things and a fear of what those new things will bring. Like I said before, we're in limbo.

As I rant about this I try to think, what can I do to change these things? And really there isn't much. I can make plans as much as I'd like but essentially there is nothing I can do until something bigger shifts. Until I get into a school, or don't get into a school. Until I meet someone new, or hear back about my book.

So I'm really complaining about the inevitable here when I should be accepting it, but hey. The past few days have made me feel the impatience more so than normal due to my body hating me and throwing me a cough, a strained leg and a sore neck thus preventing me from doing basically anything.

Wow I really am whinging today aren't I?
Please forgive this anxious 18 year old.

Another thing I realise is I think I talk about myself to much. Just look at how many I's are in that sentance. I like to share what I'm doing, but enough is enough really. So here's a challenge, I'm going to try to go a day without talking about myself AT ALL. Maybe that'll make it difficult to have a conversation though?
Ok we'll try it as a social experiement. After tomorrow, I will see if it is possible to remain socially comfortable and not talk about yourself at all.

Cool. Done. Sorted. Rant over.

Thanks for listening :)

You've got to S-M-I-L-E

2010-08-01T18:10:00.004+10:00

Lately my life has been filled with a lot of hilarity. And by my life I mean the life I vicariously live through intensely funny youtube shows. A Very Potter Musical (and Sequel), Maria Bamford, Demetri Martin and my recent discovery of Rock of Ages Productions are just a few of the things that get me my daily hysterical laugh.
I seriously don't know how I'd survive without laughing once in a while. I mean, I think I have a pretty good sense of humour. I appreciate comedy, I love a good laugh. In my mind I can't possibly understand how some people can not have a sense of humour. It's true. Some people don't.
This also makes me think about how completely inconcievable it is to me that some people's lives don't revolve around music. That people can ask, "What kind of music do you listen to?" and someone may reply, "Oh, you know, I don't really listen to music."
...
!!!
What is this?
Is this real? How can people possibly live their lives without music? It just doesn't make sense, especially to someone who sings constantly and walks around the house with iPhone in hand playing song after song.
So music, sense of humour, creativity - these are the sorts of things that I could NOT live my life without, and therefore, to me, no-one can live their lives without them. So there, beat that syllogistic argument.
But the reality is that people live extremely different lives to me, and as unfathomable as that is, my life is equally unfathomable to them. I'm that weirdo that never stops singing. No one can like music that much, they probably think.
Thank god I am pretty much only surrounded by musical junkies. And creative, generally funny people, who enjoy random sing-a-longs in the car and appreciate the fine, sophisticated taste of cookie dough.
Thank god for you guys.

Sketch

2010-07-31T16:46:00.002+10:00

Watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHNtuaVHenM

Hilarious.

I may be a little bit in love with Wesley Taylor right about now.

By Doing Hard Work

2010-07-26T22:43:00.003+10:00

Yes, the simple and mostly unimaginative lyric in the title says it all folks: hard work is key. The only way to get what you want out of life is to work hard every single day of your life. That is how you find success.

Alright. We already know that's a lie don't we?

Look at all the people in the media who get fame and fortune from doing just about nothing - here's looking at you Paris Hilton. Reality T.V shows make already rich people even more successful (apparently Kim Kardashian makes around 14 million a year . . . wowza) and many people nowadays who are in the public eye really have very little substantial talent to their name. They do have a truckload of money though. Jealous much?

Of course there are people who work hard, find out they're insanely talented at something and reap the just rewards. Actors like Johnny Depp, Matt Damon; general genius's like Bill Gates and the lucky guy that invented Facebook. They work hard, I'm sure, and are rewarded for that. They're acknowledged with a couple of million here and there and live full, debt free lives.

The saddest thing here is that the bulk of the hard workers - the ones who work day in day out, pushing themselves, trying again and again - go unacknowledged for the most part. Not everyone makes it big. Not everyone finds the success that they may be promised they'll get if they put enough effort into it. it just doesn't work that way. Success is %30 talent %20 ambition and %50 luck.

Growing up in a family thoroughly tied up in the volatile career of performing arts has taught me one thing - that you can't expect drive and passion to get you success, you just can't. I've grown up knowing that a life in the media does not guarantee success, and that previous success does not guarantee stability. The career I'm picking - and the career I've grown up observing -relies so heavily on the opinion of others that sometimes, your own talent and hard work aren't even contributing factors. Sad thought, huh?

That being said, hard work is not irrelevant. It is still important. It would be stupid to accept that sometimes hard work doesn't mean success by quitting and waiting for some sort of opportunity to fall into your undeserving lap.

I'm working hard. I feel like I am anyway. I'm trying to better myself, and if I want to make a go of this career, there is a lot of myself to better.

But here's the thing that gets me. Hard work isn't about the result sometimes. Don't you ever put a lot of effort into something and just enjoy the fact that you're doing all you can?

Sometimes, as corny as it sounds, hard work is it's own reward.

Remind me that I said that at the end of the year, okay?

Calm

2010-07-22T14:51:00.005+10:00

I'm feeling a little bit frazzled at the moment. I just filled out my NIDA application, and my BAPA one which is yet to be sent in. I wrotea To-Do list to try and organise everything, all the monologues, songs, audition dates, applications and what-not. It sure does feel like a lot to deal with right now.

Once I've got everything organised it'll be great. Once I've chosen everything and got all my dates and figured it out I'll be right. Until then I'm just going to run around like a headless chook frantically trying to To-Do list my way into calmness.

Isn't it beautiful?

Disney

2010-07-21T13:26:00.002+10:00

I love disney.

Frown Quota

2010-07-17T23:43:00.002+10:00

Hello there,

So lately I've been getting into terrible moods for no particular reason - TEENAGE ANGST ATTACK! - and as usual it got me thinking.

FIRSTLY, I don't get how sometimes we can be quite happy to be unhappy for a little while, you know what I mean? Occasionally, when we're fed up with being optimistic, happy, cheerful, friendly and so on and so forth, we give up and let ourselves wallow in whatever miserable thoughts come our way, just for a little bit. Eventually we stop, because really when there's nothing that great to wallow about we're just wasting time.

But isn't it weird? Perhaps not everyone is the same, but every so often, I get sick of being cheerful. Which is probably terrible. But hey, no body's perfect.

A while back I read this portion of a book that my grandma gave me. It was all about understanding how people fall into depression, how they get that far, and it said something like this:

"People have trouble letting go of negative feelings, or unhappiness, because they start to feel that it is a part of them. And to let those feelings go means to abandon part of yourself and leave yourself vulnerable."

So I paraphrased, and kind of rewrote it completely but it had that general gist. And it stuck with me. Because I really think it's true. We do, as much as it sounds ridiculous, enjoy having something to be negative about because it seems to add another dimension onto who we are. Something maybe a bit more dramatic, you know, 'no one can understand my tortured teenage soul-esque' kind of thing. And that's fair enough. Let's face it, a life with eternal cheerfulness would get a little bit dull every now and again.

Maybe we need negative things - problems and dramas and all that jazz - because they challenge us, and test us, and possibly even improve us as human beings.

Whatever the reason, we need some frowns to balance out the smiles, and I reckon that's okay. There's a difference between wallowing for a little while and getting over it, and letting those dramas consume you.

SECONDLY!

... well actually there is no secondly. I had a second topic but I'll save that for later as it is late, and I want to leave a nice cliffhanger to bring you all back for more.

To be continued.... *dramatically eerie music*

The Discovery of Risk

2010-07-15T20:11:00.002+10:00

While we're on the topic of catchups, I have another one to update about.

Just the other day I finally had the games/picnic day that I had been promising to have. Unfortunantly some of the people I miss couldn't make it (ice cream and douser), but spot, dan, giggles and student (not sure if this codename is certain yet... we'll see) were all there for plenty of cookies, cupcakes and a few classic board games.

First of all, I cannot believe how many cookies were eaten. And I thought I'd made too many!

Second of all, a momentous discovery was made, and that is how much fun the game Risk really is. It's the game I think a lot of people (myself especially) bypass because, lets be honest here, it is one of the longest games in the history of long games. It took us a good 40 minutes just to get through the instructions. But we were dedicated and eventually the game began. The next five hours were ridiculously intense and insanely fun. The best part of the game is most certainly the alliances we form. Spot and I had a good one going, while our enemy team student and dan fought against us and giggles decided that she was too morally sound to take sides.
And we played and played and wondered why no one was any closer to winning until dan realised that we'd been playing the rules wrong in an attempt to make the game shorter but by doing so had ended up making the game impossible to win.
Fail!
Nevertheless, we had to choose a winner and it went to giggles who dominated a good %60 of the world through relatively honest (and yet very sneaky) tactics.
And I have now decided that Risk is a game of epic proportions and deserves another games day dedicated entirely to it and it alone.

Now Risk wasn't the only thing I intended to talk about. I also wanted to say how it was incredobly lovely to see these people, all of whom are finished with YABC forever and therefore not going to be seen on a weekly basis, as much as I'd like it to be otherwise. It's a bit sad really. These were the people who were so welcoming to me when I became a triple, they invited me into their group with smiles and promises of nachos. Thank you guys!

After Risk was finished, and student had gone home, the rest of us cracked out the Cranium set for some more fun and then set up the beds so we could relax and have those sleepover chats we all love so much. We spoke of embarassment, moral codes, boy troubles, aspirations and all the usual stuff and eventually we went to sleep.

The next morning us girls got up and had breakfast, eventually having to drag the boys out of bed for a game of Disney trivial persuit, and then they were off. Overall it was a wonderful night, and like I keep saying, it was great to see them. I really have to be thankful for these friends that I've made the past year. In school it was always so different, because most people seemed so different than me, but this gang share so many things in common and other than that, we just get along incredibly well. It's quite wonderful.

So there you go, those are my cheerful catchup updates done! Stay tuned for more posts, I've really been whipping them out quite regularly lately, pat on the back Emily.

Goodnight!

Twister Mayhem

2010-07-14T15:02:00.003+10:00

A couple of days ago I had a wonderful catch up with the YABC gang.

It's insane that it had been three weeks since I had seen them. It felt like months. When you see a group of people every day for two weeks, spending so much time together, you really truly miss them. And so I was unbelievably excited to see them again.

I caught the train and met up with both polka and shming which was like old times. I think I missed these two the most, because they were the ones I spoke to on the train every single day, not just chatting during the shows, so it was wonderful to see them again and catch up, tell ridiculous stories that take far too long and joke around.
Once we were in the city, we waited at flinders, bumping into another YABC person who was on his way to work. What are the chances? Then other half and manfred turned up and we decided to spend some time in the city. We dragged the boys down to this little photo place where you can take photos and decorate them and have them as stickers. We really did NOT know how the whole thing worked but after much falling around and hastily posing we got some photos and decorated them before heading down to Degraves for some dinner. A plate of pasta and a cup of mini mnm's later we headed back to manfred's place where preston joined us for some hilarious rounds of Twister.
Why has this game been forgotten about people? It had it's golden days but since then it's been gathering dust in my games cupboard. Time to rediscover it, bloggers, because it was a ridiculous amount of fun. Let me tell you that both shming and preston are too good. They are indestructable in the realm of Twister. Never challange them to a game for you shall lose.

After we had our fill of Twister, and after our bodies could just simply take it no longer, we chilled with some 2AM pizza and eventually snuggled down for some spooning and sleep.

I was so cheerful after that catchup. It felt so good so see those people again, because you really bond with people during shows and then those bonds fall away quite quickly if you don't do anything to keep them there. And they really are wonderfull, talented (although showing off that talent in the early hours of the morning is not preferable, *cough cough* other half...) and incredibly fun people. I got to brush up on my pick up line skills with shming as well as get thrown around the loungeroom by a rogue mattress cover with manfred - see, you never know what's going to happen when you catch up with these guys!

So Anyway...

2010-07-13T16:41:00.003+10:00

Hello there,

So I meant to finish that last questions blog but got a little bit sidetracked by events and other things that I now want to blog about more.

First of all,
TOY STORY 3!

I loved it.
I think with a lot of movie series' it's really easy to ride on the coat-tails of the success of the previous movie, and this makes the directors and all those other important people kind of neglect the movie in a way. They just don't seem to be as desperate to make it good, and so it generally isn't.
Toy Story 3 was not like that at all. It was it's own movie completely, with heaps of new characters and it kept true to the past two films without overshadowing them. I must say I am a big fan of Ken and Barbie (I am a fan of any character Jodi Benson voices anyway, who wouldn't? She was Ariel for christ's sake!) I also laughed a ridiculous amount everytime Woody ran. Did anyone else find his run hilarious?
And I must admit that there were tears... three sets of tears to be exact. How can a kids movie make me cry so much?!

So yes, in summary, fantastic movie that I would see again, of course. And although it is finished, I wouldn't complain if they made another one because really, they're on a winning streak here.

Ideas, Ideas, Ideas!

2010-07-08T20:11:00.003+10:00

Hello there,

So I've been really trying to find ways to spice up this blog the past few days. I wanted to put something interesting on here other than my usual rants, something a little different.

This is what I came up with. A couple of simple questions (not very imaginative I know), but it's something different. Something to read and maybe learn something new about me. If you want to steal it for your own blog, do! Go ahead! Then we can all learn about our fellow bloggers.

So here you go:

1. The book I am reading at the moment is...
A book called Jezabel. I'm not too far into it at the moment so no judgements formed yet. Often I find that I read a really terrific book, and then the next book I read seems pretty damn awful. It has to compete and just can't live up to my high literary expectations set from the last book. That's why I always expect little from anything I read after Harry Potter.

2. The last film I saw at the cinema is...
Hmmm... I actually can't remember. Ok, now I do. It was Nanny McPhee. A bit sad? Not at all! Who doesn't enjoy a good kids movie every so often? I am seeing Toy Story 3 tomorrow which I've heard is absolutely amazing, and if that's not originally a kids movie I don't know what is.

3. The last CD I bought was...
I believe the last CD I bought was the soundtrack for the movie Coraline. It's the kind of music I can actually have on in the background while I write, and I don't try to sing a long too much. It's just got a really nice, playful/haunting kind of ring to it, and I really enjoy it.

4. The last time I had a good night out was...
Just the other night when I went to Eve with the girlies. It was a great night out, as it always is with those gals.

5. The car I drive is...
Boy does this question make me sad. I don't drive yet. *sigh* I got my L's late, and as my dad is driving me it's annoyingly difficult to organise some lessons. It'll happen one day! With my limited knowledge of cars, I have no preference really, although ever since I used to play Midtown Madness on PC I've wanted an Audi TT. Strange? Most certainly.

6. The best program on television at the moment is...
I had to think about this one a little bit. There's a lot of shows I love, and some of them are finished, so do they count? At the moment, I'd have to say 'How I Met Your Mother'. I love it. In terms of my all time faves? Definitely 'Pushing Daisies'. That show was amazing.

7. The newspapers I read are...
*awkward cough*. None. I don't read the paper. Shame on me. I do the puzzles in the sunday paper? Does that count?

8. My favourite building is...
A theatre. I'm not being overly specific, because every theatre is my favourite building. I could live in the theatre quite happily. They just have an atmosphere you can't find anywhere else.

9. My mobile ringtone is...
Just the good old guitar strum that the iphone provides me.

10. My favourite word is...
Sesquipedalian. Pureply because it's impressive to use in a sentance.

11. My dream sandwich would be filled with...
Avocado, chicken, capsicum, black olives, cucumber, carrot and lettuce. Yum.

12. My last holiday was to...
Sorrento for schoolies with the girls. It was an amazing holiday, filled with far too much Gossip Girl, sunburn, cooking, drunken jenga (the best kind), borrowed boats and picnics.

*alright, there's a pause in this blog. Good T.V has started and I don't want to miss it! The rest of the questions will be answered later!*

Day by Day

2010-07-03T18:51:00.003+10:00

Hello there internet users,

I realise that I use this blog for big rants the majority of the time (and please don't take me too seriously in these rants, I try not to) and I don't really let people know what's going on on a day to day basis. Possibly because most of the time it's terribly dull, but I thought I may as well give you all a little insight into how I spent my week. Here we go!

Seeing as it's holidays for all those stressed out school goers and cool uni students, it was the week to catch up with some unintentionally neglected friends. Monday I saw someone who I have not seen in faaaar too long (and who I intend to give a codename but at the moment, I cannot for the life of me figure one out). It was absolutely lovely to see her. We spent some time in the city, gossiping and sharing our woes about boys and awkward situation stories, which was great fun and therapeutic to know that someone else is in the same boat as me. Another person from YABC who I haven't seen basically since last semester met up with us for a slightly over cocoa-ed hot chocolate in a trendy little cafe. Overall, it was lovely.

Next catchup was with ice cream, who clearly hasn't appeared in this blog for far too long. We also met up in the city and chilled, eating, discussing sim playing techniques, watching street performers and then being very sophisticated and checking out the art gallery. There were plenty of 'meaning of life' chats on the way, which seem to me to be quite rare. You have chats like this with people, but you rarely get to have one where you actually are both genuinely befuddled by life, and that always makes for good conversation.

The next event in my week was an incredible WAAPA workshop with addams and yonah who have not appeared in my blog before. AMAZING. It was basically a masterclass on how to audition for them, and for professional shows, and it was so worthwhile. We spent the three hours talking about everything you need to know about auditions, seeing example auditions, asking questions and the such. We also did a little acting thing which addams and I volunteered for. We pretty much just made fools of ourselves on stage but it was so much fun. A little bit of dance added to the end and we were set. Overall, it was really quite encouraging. For some reason, being told about the exhaustion, and the ten hour days, and the hard work it takes to be a WAAPA student only made me want to get in even more. Fingers crossed, right?

Now we move on to the party section of my post. I went to my first club (yes, first club experience ever) with the girlies: lemon, corks, and screws. We primped at screws' place (and she, of course, styled my outfit) and then headed out to 'seven'. In the line we bumped into some old HPS crew and a couple of Sandringham people that corks and lemon knew. So we stuck with them, but ended up being turned away from the club by unnecessarily mean bouncers because we weren't on a guest list, and general admission wasn't till ten. They then yelled at us to hurry up and get in a cab and go somewhere. Meanies.

So we headed to 'Eve' instead, which had far friendlier bouncers and had quite a fun night. I realise that it really doesn't matter what we do, if I'm with the girlies I'm bound to have a brilliant time. We danced, talked, laughed, took pictures and danced some more. I was uncomfortably reminded of a bit of a social conundrum that I'm preoccupied with at the moment, but the girls made me forget it. For a first club experience I would say it was quite good, there weren't too many awkward situations, although I did get slapped on the butt by an overly friendly stranger. Funny stuff.

After we had our fill of dancing, we got some early morning maccas and went back to screw's to squeeze uncomfortably into one bed (lime got her own mattress, lucky thing) and sleep, interrupted by corks' hilarious snoring.

Don't worry, the week is nearly over!

NEXT - I had work the next day. Was pretty out of it, but I haven't been to work for about three weeks so it's understandable for me to have almost forgotten the security code.

I came home to a bunch of Xena's friends, including two fellow bloggers who are soon to be travelling overseas. We made homemade pizzas, and it was good to see them and say goodbye before they go!

Monkey and I had a spontaneous sleepover, but were too exhausted by the moving of mattress' that we fell straight asleep.

And finally, today I did very little. I played a fantastic game of Sims, and then went over to hogwart's house for her birthday with Mum and monkey. I haven't seen her or her family in yonks so it was nice.

And that's it? Sufficiently bored everyone?

Well I believe I've fulfilled my quote of day-to-day information. I guess I can go back to blabbing on about whatever topic jumps to mind. Hooray!

Hope all is well for you all.

p.s. As you can see I decided to mix up the design of my blog. Keep or not? What's the general opinion?