Want #5

WANT #5

To have magical powers.

This one is pretty self explanatory. All I can say is that it would be pretty damn awesome.

WANT #4

Before I start with my wants I'll just direct you to the sidebar right here: -------->

There's two new blog links to some friends blogs. "The Life that is a Rollercoaster" and "Whatta Nerd" Have a look!

Now, moving on.

WANT #4

I want to inspire the imagination

I want to inspire other people to create in the same way that I was inspired. I want everyone to have an imagination that could rival any kid. I hate how we lose that part of ourselves as we grow up. I want to hold onto it, and I have to hold onto it as a writer, and as a performer because without a wild imagination I wouldn't be able to do either of those skills.

I want to inspire other people to want to inspire other people. I want everyone to keep a part of their childish self. I want everyone to be able to have fun spinning over monkey bars without thinking that they're 'too old for it'. I want to come up with crazy ideas and write them down into crazy stories and I want people to wonder, 'How on earth did she come up with that?' I want everyone to be able to see shapes in the clouds and faces in a splotch on the road.

That's what I want. For everyone to take pride in their imagination.

Want #3

WANT # 3

I want to be brave

I wish I was braver sometimes. Well, not brave exactly, more that I wish I had more faith in myself. Now that sounds like I'm hating on myself... it's not like that! Here's what I mean: I have self-confidence in many aspects of my life, where I lack is in how I think people percieve me. Maybe I don't give myself enough credit. I wish I was brave enough to go up to certain people I want to talk to, and just talk to them without thinking that by doing that I'll seem weird or annoying. I wish I could trust that I have an effect on other people. So this probably doesn't make sense without me spelling it out but I'm not really about to do that because there has top be some measure of privacy in a blog. Basically what I am trying to say is my perception of myself is unstable - it changes constantly and a lot of the time I doubt what there is in me for people to like.

Some girls have that natural sort of confidence that suggests 'of course you want to be talking to me' not in an egotistical way though. Just that self-assuredness. And I suppose that's what makes them attractive, that confidence.

I wish I had that confidence. I want to be more brave.

Want #2

WANT # 2

I want Adventure.

I really do. I want to explore somewhere new, I want to travel and start new projects and perform in new exciting things. I want something amazingly incredibly exciting to happen, and I want to be challanged by it and I want to learn and develop from it and come out of it as a better person, having seen the world that little bit more.

So that's more than one want, granted, but they're sub-wants under the main adventure tagline.

Most people want some sort of adventure. At least I hope they do. Who doesn't like being adventurous once in a while?

When I was little, I used to have a best friend called Cybelle, and we were just a tad over-obsessed with Harry Potter, but we would make up these amazing adventures (as kids do) in which there was plenty of magic, and there's was always a bad guy and we always won, of course. As kids we live through adventures like that all the time, and that's what's so exciting about childhood. Even though it's only our imagination, it's compeltely real to us. We get a little bit disillusioned as we grow older, don't you think? It takes a lot more to thrill us. An adventure isn't the same as it used to be.

I want a childhood adventure again.

Don't care how, I want it now

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately from people I know that have been talking about wants. What they want out of life, and for other people and for themselves.

Sometimes I think wants come across as being very selfish, but I don't think this is right. Yes, our needs are more important, but wants are like the mental focus where needs are the physical. They're not selfish because they're paramount to life. Really, if we didn't want things (and didn't verbalise those wants) nothing would ever be done. There would be no big inventions because no one would want to make change, there would be no relationships because no one would want to make the effort. You see what I'm getting at?

Wants are an instinctive and important part of human nature so there is no point denying the fact that we all want things, some reasonable, some ridiculous.

For the next ten days I'm going to post a want a day. Just ten major/minor/random wants that I have for this year. I'm not sure what they are yet so we'll so how impossible some of these wants are as we stumble along.

So:

WANT #1

I want to be in a Stephen Sondheim musical.

I've recently watched a filmed copy of the original cast of Into the Woods. It renewed my love for all things Sondheim. I can't see a greater honour than to be in one of his musicals.

The thing that draws me to them is the lyrics, and that's what he's famous for. He started in a time when the music was more important than the lyrics, but he ignored that. It wasn't about the lyrics fitting into the music, it was about the music working around the lyrics. All those wordy lines with rhythmic rhyming and then lack thereof - I just love it. The conversation like songs, fast paced and where every single word is there for a reason, not just to fill in a note or flesh out a phrase, but to actually say something.

So, that's want numero uno. I want to be in a Stephen Sondheim musical.

Stuck in a Rut

Although my last post was quite cheerful overall, I haven't been in the best of moods. So here comes a little bit of a rant, be prepared.

I feel really stuck in a rut lately. Like I'm not really moving anywhere. This year has been like that, understandably because it's been a bit of a limbo year. A transition year. All I've been doing, essentially, is waiting until the auditions.
But considering the effort I'm trying to put into making some big changes with myself, I'm not feeling any of it. My dance technique hasn't improved that much, and I wasted the first half of my year a little bit with not so great classes. My singing is the same, no improvements on belting here. I haven't done anything for my acting. Writing is neglected while I wait to hear from people. Socially I'm quite content but romantically I wouldn't mind some changes.

There's the bulk of my pessimistic rant for you.

I was talking to screws the other day during an epic texting session, and we concluded that this year is a big fat pain because all we want to do is go roaring into our career headfirst, do the things we really want to do, but we're stuck waiting, working in fish and ice cream shops, earning money, doing degrees and trying to improve skills. We want to have freedom to be adults but we want the security of home. We're kind of torn between a ridiculous need for new things and a fear of what those new things will bring. Like I said before, we're in limbo.

As I rant about this I try to think, what can I do to change these things? And really there isn't much. I can make plans as much as I'd like but essentially there is nothing I can do until something bigger shifts. Until I get into a school, or don't get into a school. Until I meet someone new, or hear back about my book.

So I'm really complaining about the inevitable here when I should be accepting it, but hey. The past few days have made me feel the impatience more so than normal due to my body hating me and throwing me a cough, a strained leg and a sore neck thus preventing me from doing basically anything.

Wow I really am whinging today aren't I?
Please forgive this anxious 18 year old.

Another thing I realise is I think I talk about myself to much. Just look at how many I's are in that sentance. I like to share what I'm doing, but enough is enough really. So here's a challenge, I'm going to try to go a day without talking about myself AT ALL. Maybe that'll make it difficult to have a conversation though?
Ok we'll try it as a social experiement. After tomorrow, I will see if it is possible to remain socially comfortable and not talk about yourself at all.

Cool. Done. Sorted. Rant over.

Thanks for listening :)

You've got to S-M-I-L-E

Lately my life has been filled with a lot of hilarity. And by my life I mean the life I vicariously live through intensely funny youtube shows. A Very Potter Musical (and Sequel), Maria Bamford, Demetri Martin and my recent discovery of Rock of Ages Productions are just a few of the things that get me my daily hysterical laugh.
I seriously don't know how I'd survive without laughing once in a while. I mean, I think I have a pretty good sense of humour. I appreciate comedy, I love a good laugh. In my mind I can't possibly understand how some people can not have a sense of humour. It's true. Some people don't.
This also makes me think about how completely inconcievable it is to me that some people's lives don't revolve around music. That people can ask, "What kind of music do you listen to?" and someone may reply, "Oh, you know, I don't really listen to music."
...
!!!
What is this?
Is this real? How can people possibly live their lives without music? It just doesn't make sense, especially to someone who sings constantly and walks around the house with iPhone in hand playing song after song.
So music, sense of humour, creativity - these are the sorts of things that I could NOT live my life without, and therefore, to me, no-one can live their lives without them. So there, beat that syllogistic argument.
But the reality is that people live extremely different lives to me, and as unfathomable as that is, my life is equally unfathomable to them. I'm that weirdo that never stops singing. No one can like music that much, they probably think.
Thank god I am pretty much only surrounded by musical junkies. And creative, generally funny people, who enjoy random sing-a-longs in the car and appreciate the fine, sophisticated taste of cookie dough.
Thank god for you guys.