3,2,1

TOP THREE FAVOURITES AND WHY

Movies:

3. Robin Hood Men in Tights

For the simple fact that it makes me laugh every single time, no matter how many times I've heard the jokes.

2. Nightmare Before Christmas

Because it has all those qualities I love that Tim Burton puts in all his movies - darkness, humour, songs, magic and a poetic kind of feeling. The characters are so darn loveable even when they're representing the nightmarish kind of creatures we should fear.

1. Spirited Away

It's not to everyone's taste, but I absolutely love love love this movie. I've seen it so many times but every time it's like I've never seen it before. I can't get past the way these japanese movies have themes of magic and spirits running through them in such a relaxed normal way as if it's completely natural for everyone to believe in them. It seems to say "Of course" after every far fetched crazy magical thing that happens and I absolutely love that. It just makes it all the more magical.

Dream Homes (clearly I'm not aiming for realism here)

3. Chateau in Paris

Yes it's a crazy dream but a chateau in Paris is something I am reaching for. One day when (hopefully) I am incredibly rich and lavishly important I'll have a chateau in Paris with one of those long sweeping driveways, extravagant gardens, maybe some horses. I'll have one of those french provincial style homes with a vintage twist. A girl can dream.

2. Swanky city apartment

I don't specifically have a city in mind but I think it would terribly cool to have a stylish apartment in the city. I love the feel of the city and I'd love to spend more time there. But that busy, switched on feeling you have in every city is something I love. And to be close to everything as well.

1. English Cottage

While I don't really want to live in England, I'd be more then happy to plunk one of their english countryside cottages into Australia for myself. One of those lovely houses right on the edge of an english forest, where everything is beautiful and green and there are little streams and mossy rocks and the sunlight filters through the leaves making everything seem magical and wonderful. It's the complete ideal environment in my mind.

Is it too much to ask for a french provincial style chateau on the edge of an english-style forest in the heart of a city? Come to think of it, yes.

Musicals

3. Title of Show

This is a tough one because my favourite musical changes pretty much every week but this one has been consistent for a little while. It is hilarious, to put it simply. Heidi Blickenstaff and Susan Blackwell do their characters so well and the songs that aren't big jokey numbers are really heartfelt and lovely. All round good musical.

2. Wicked

Yes, it's cliched now but I was once a massive Wicked fan and it shall always hold a big piece of my heart. It introduced me to the idea of broadway, and musical celebrities and the ability to listen to an album and piece together the story of the musical in your head to the point where I had pretty much mapped out the whole show. No joke, I would listen to the album whenever I felt blue and it always cheered me up. So while I'm not as hardcore a fan as I used to be, I will never forget Wicked.

1. Jesus Christ Superstar

This was the musical that made me love musicals. I watched the DVD of this with my Dad before I even knew what a musical was (my god, was there such a time?) and fell in love with it straight away. The commitment in the performances on that DVD, especially Judas and Jesus astounded me. And the fact that they only sung just made me want to live in an Andrew Lloyd Webber rock opera. I bought the album and listened to it until, quite literally, the whole CD case fell apart. Subsequently I know the lyrics to every song, and can sing the whole musical through from start to finish as I long ago memorised the order of the songs. Ah Jesus Christ Superstar, I love love love love you.

Celebrity Crushes

3. James Franco

Amazing smile. Enough said.

2. Darren Criss

How can you not fall in love with Darren Criss? I was hooked from the moment he started singing in A Very Potter Musical. Funny, charming, seemingly intelligent, he has it all - plus he does acoustic covers of disney songs. Like I said, how can you not love him?

1. Ricky Ullman

Not many people know good old Ricky, but he won my heart in Phil of the Future all those years ago. Don't quite know where he is now but he was as cute as can be, plus he had all those future gadgets which made him all the more cool.

Books

3. Terry Pratchett Books

Sorry to be general here but I love all of Terry Pratchett's books. He makes me laugh out loud, I just love the chaotic, wry and dry humour he so effortlessly puts in to all his stories.

2. Harry Potter

Where to start? Yes I know many other people share my love of Harry Potter so it's not unique, but I can not begin to describe my young obsession with these stories, nor how they have impacted me. The idea of magic has always inspired me, and when I was young I seriously waited for my Hogwarts letter. I could not have been more invested in the world J.K Rowling created, and while there may be no Hogwarts, I feel (and many others feel the same I would guess) that I grew up there as much as the characters did. I read the books and followed the stories at the same ages as the characters so in a way I grew up with them. Not many books allow their readers to become so much a part of the story like that. No wonder she's incredibly incredibly rich.

1. The Starthorn Tree

Again, a slightly obscure one maybe. Don't boo me for not having Harry Potter as my number 1 fave until you've read this book. It's by Kate Forsyth, who I believe is an Australian writer (she lives here anyway). Her book was my chief inspiration in writing mine (side note, I thought I was ambitious writing my first novel at 15, she wrote hers at 9!). She weaves this amazing fantasy advenutre story with all the bells and whistles but without becoming too corny. She easily creates this whole world and her characters are just so 3 Dimensional and believable, so that the reader relates to them straight away, something that can be tough. Think about it. J.K. Rowling had 7 books in which to unveil her characters and get us to understand and feel for them. Kate Forsyth does it within the first paragraph of introducing each character.

I think that's enough favourite things for now :) If you have any suggestions for any other top 3 favourites you'd like to hear let me know! It's always good to mix up from my usual emotional rants, right? And who doesn't like lists!?

Respect, Diversity

"They light a candle And hope that it glows"

Hi all.

So.

Where to start?

I feel like I have a lot I could fill you in on but to go into detail for everything would take a heck of a lot of blog space and too much of your time. Instead I'm going to say this - A lot of stuff has happened, life has been lived. Feel in the loop now?

I guess not.

I don't really know what I want to say in the post, it's just been a long time since I last checked in and I feel like I've been neglecting you guys a little bit - those of you that still read.

Should I do a quick summary of events? Probably. Here you go then:

YABC shows went brilliantly. Lots of fun, great to be performing and got to spend time with those wonderful people yet again.

Sound of Music is on soon. Rehearsals are going well - Buy tickets!! Type in PLOS productions to google and the ticket sales are on the website.

There's been a death in my family recently which has been hard. The family's coming down, the funeral is soon. I'm singing at the funeral.

My uni plight came off far less well then I'd hoped. It's not defeated me of course but I was upset, and still am a bit. There's still a chance I could be at BAPA next year but there's an even greater chance I won't be so it's time to make other plans.

Sung through the musical again and was incredibly happy with some of the changes we've made. It still has a long way to go but we're on the way and what we've done so far we're quite proud of.

Lately, this week mostly, I've been feeling so out of control with my emotions. Before this week I felt really weak in terms of being able to deal with things. I was getting upset a lot and quite easily, I was constantly judging myself and seeing myself in a bad light. With the things that happened this week I'm more of the same, but I think my emotional capacity is nearing breaking point. I'm just getting incredibly frustrated. I'm finding it hard to deal with.

I keep talking about wanting change. Wanting different things to happen. Wanting to move out, wanting to be at uni and studying, wanting to be given opportunities to grow, wanting to have a boyfriend, wanting to be attractive and mature and unique and ready to take on the world.

I think the problem with wanting so many things is that I hardly know where to start.

And maybe I've stretched myself too thin. Maybe the reason I'm getting so frustrated is because I have my emotions invested in so many things that it's taking it's toll on me.

Maybe I just need a freaking holiday.

Change

I am ready for change.

So don't be afraid to offer it to me.

Because I won't be afraid to take it.

And They're Off

So here come the shows!!! Only a few short days away and then we'll be off on another season of YABC performances. I know I mentioned it in my last blog but I really am incredibly excited for these shows. Last semester I wasn't. They just came around and I didn't look forward to them at all, mostly because I didn't enjoy the semester all that much. But then, BAM, the shows began and suddenly I was having the time of my life.

Time to go again!

With the prospect of new and exciting things with these shows (staying away near the theatre, triples quidditch (don't ask. It sounds crazy but I secretly love the idea) and a 14 night solo I know there is plenty to look forward to. Here's hoping my head cold goes away. I have taken enough vitamin C to sink a ship today, plus drank a lot of water and ate some leafy greens, so if that doesn't work who knows what will.

One thing, however, is troubling me no end. And the reason it's troubling me so much is because I can't stop it. And that thing is my unruly and heightened emotional state.

Yes. I have been incredibly emotional over the past week or two, and I cannot shake it. I have been shedding tears far too often, and while normally a good cry helps you move past things, it seems to be leaving me even more vulnerable to those tearful moments. You'd think I'd have a measure of control over my emotions but in all honesty, who does? Who can say - alright, stop feeling this at once. It is doing you no good and you'd better forget it - to themselves and take their own advice easily? No one! Well at least not many people.

I realise as well that I'm probably going to be even more emotional as I get into the shows. The performances put everyone into a heightened state of emotions anyways (why do you think the after parties are so insane?) so I'm probably going to be some blubbering, pathetic mess every time I'm reminded of those things that are screwing with my head so much.

Regardless, despite the fact that I am 19 and nearly out of my teen years, I can't help but be an angsty emotional and unreasonable teenager for a little while longer.

p.s. This is a picture I drew recently. She's meant to represent doubt.

Who knows what our life may hold, just around the Riverbend...

Hey all,

A lot of stuff has been going on lately. A lot of stuff. Mainly awesome, fun, wonderful, self-growth kind of stuff with a few heartaches and disappointments thrown in for good measure.

I've been rehearsing for Sound of Music which has been fantastic and a lot of fun. Learning the "16 Going On 17" dance has made me super excited about the show and I've just generally been trying to develop my character and be a better actress with each rehearsal.

YABC has been full steam ahead with the shows coming up soon. (HOORAY!) I can't say how much I am looking forward to those two weeks and that amazing feeling the show brings. The joy of performing, the train rides and stories and laughs exchanged, the closeness of the group, and that amazing feeling of confidence that I get when I'm backstage. I really cannot wait.

Schming and I have been working on our musical. Having our first sing/read through was an amazing experience. Hearing people speak your words out loud, adding emotion and intent to them was insane. Boy have we got a talented bunch of friends.

My birthday came and went. I am now 19 (!!!) When the hell did that happen?! I had a great shindig and had a lovely day with family breakfasts and rehearsals to top it all off. Plus some awesome presents such as Fable 3, book vouchers and stunning sexy bathers that I can't wait to wear.

I saw Harry Potter numero 7 last night (:D) which was, I believe, the best movie so far. It didn't miss anything out of the books and while it was a much slower pace then the last movies, it set up the big finale perfectly and had wonderful moments and some tear jerkers. Overall, I LOVED it and can't believe we have to wait till July for the next one!

I have also done 2 out of my 3 auditions. Both were very good experiences, and while I didn't get callbacks I feel I have learnt a lot from them, especially NIDA. WAAPA I was more disappointed with because I was a lot more nervous and a lot more eager to get in. NIDA I approached with an entirely different attitude. I was expecting nothing but experience from it and that is what I got out of it, as well as quite a lot of enjoyment.

SO that's a lot of stuff right? With all these things going on I've been plunged into a lot of a feeling I dislike but that I have to get used to: uncertainty. I'm sure I've mentioned it a couple of times. The thing I like least about it is that it forces you to guess, and guessing never leads to positive feelings, generally. Or if they do you could be severely let down. I think my guessing tends to make me quite delusional.

I've been feeling like I don't quite know where I stand in some instances. YABC, for instance. I can never tell if I'm performing well or not. I feel like I am, but who knows? Similarly, I felt like I performed better then some people at the NIDA audition but I could be completely wrong. It's so hard to tell when you don't get feedback. And this is ow the industry is, and I'll come to terms with that but it's still a strange thing.

But socially as well. I try to make guesses about what other people think. That maybe the person I like shows some interest in me. But these are guesses and are mainly clouded by hope, and in reality I'm not noticed by him at all.

OKAY so I may be sounding a little down, and overly negative. As I said before I'm allowed my sad moments occasionally and I don't let it get me down most of the time. But there are a few things that have been weighing on me for a while and those things grow and soon start to invade other aspects of my life and who I am. I shocked myself the other day. I was preoccupied with my own thoughts and emotional turmoil and I said something in a way that I didn't like at all. It was abrupt and unfeeling and while it didn't do any damage it showed me how being that self-focused can turn you into someone you don't want to be.

Anyways.

Just some of my thoughts. Just me continuing to go through a year of self-growth and change and crazy emotions that I haven't had to experience before. It's all part and parcel of growing up, right?

I'll keep you posted as exciting happy things continue to happen and we can have some smiley cheery posts for a while :)