Who knows what our life may hold, just around the Riverbend...

Hey all,

A lot of stuff has been going on lately. A lot of stuff. Mainly awesome, fun, wonderful, self-growth kind of stuff with a few heartaches and disappointments thrown in for good measure.

I've been rehearsing for Sound of Music which has been fantastic and a lot of fun. Learning the "16 Going On 17" dance has made me super excited about the show and I've just generally been trying to develop my character and be a better actress with each rehearsal.

YABC has been full steam ahead with the shows coming up soon. (HOORAY!) I can't say how much I am looking forward to those two weeks and that amazing feeling the show brings. The joy of performing, the train rides and stories and laughs exchanged, the closeness of the group, and that amazing feeling of confidence that I get when I'm backstage. I really cannot wait.

Schming and I have been working on our musical. Having our first sing/read through was an amazing experience. Hearing people speak your words out loud, adding emotion and intent to them was insane. Boy have we got a talented bunch of friends.

My birthday came and went. I am now 19 (!!!) When the hell did that happen?! I had a great shindig and had a lovely day with family breakfasts and rehearsals to top it all off. Plus some awesome presents such as Fable 3, book vouchers and stunning sexy bathers that I can't wait to wear.

I saw Harry Potter numero 7 last night (:D) which was, I believe, the best movie so far. It didn't miss anything out of the books and while it was a much slower pace then the last movies, it set up the big finale perfectly and had wonderful moments and some tear jerkers. Overall, I LOVED it and can't believe we have to wait till July for the next one!

I have also done 2 out of my 3 auditions. Both were very good experiences, and while I didn't get callbacks I feel I have learnt a lot from them, especially NIDA. WAAPA I was more disappointed with because I was a lot more nervous and a lot more eager to get in. NIDA I approached with an entirely different attitude. I was expecting nothing but experience from it and that is what I got out of it, as well as quite a lot of enjoyment.

SO that's a lot of stuff right? With all these things going on I've been plunged into a lot of a feeling I dislike but that I have to get used to: uncertainty. I'm sure I've mentioned it a couple of times. The thing I like least about it is that it forces you to guess, and guessing never leads to positive feelings, generally. Or if they do you could be severely let down. I think my guessing tends to make me quite delusional.

I've been feeling like I don't quite know where I stand in some instances. YABC, for instance. I can never tell if I'm performing well or not. I feel like I am, but who knows? Similarly, I felt like I performed better then some people at the NIDA audition but I could be completely wrong. It's so hard to tell when you don't get feedback. And this is ow the industry is, and I'll come to terms with that but it's still a strange thing.

But socially as well. I try to make guesses about what other people think. That maybe the person I like shows some interest in me. But these are guesses and are mainly clouded by hope, and in reality I'm not noticed by him at all.

OKAY so I may be sounding a little down, and overly negative. As I said before I'm allowed my sad moments occasionally and I don't let it get me down most of the time. But there are a few things that have been weighing on me for a while and those things grow and soon start to invade other aspects of my life and who I am. I shocked myself the other day. I was preoccupied with my own thoughts and emotional turmoil and I said something in a way that I didn't like at all. It was abrupt and unfeeling and while it didn't do any damage it showed me how being that self-focused can turn you into someone you don't want to be.

Anyways.

Just some of my thoughts. Just me continuing to go through a year of self-growth and change and crazy emotions that I haven't had to experience before. It's all part and parcel of growing up, right?

I'll keep you posted as exciting happy things continue to happen and we can have some smiley cheery posts for a while :)