Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
The story developed and grew with every word I wrote, and I was spurred on by my love of fantasy and a vivid imagination. Over the past 4 years, I have worked on my novel every chance I got, spending much of my school holidays in front of the computer or reading over chapters and making changes. Having never written before, the editing process was a real learning curve for me, and it has taken me 4 drafts to improve and enrich the story that felt like it was writing itself. Now, I am 18 and ‘The Twelve’ is a fantasy adventure aimed at children aged 8 and up. I believe it is also a book that adults can read and enjoy, as long as you enjoy adventures filled with fantasy, puzzles, and magical creatures.
I have already learned so much just by delving into this story, but I know there is much much more to learn about story telling and it’s magic. Through this mentorship program, I would not only be improving my writing, but I would be getting the opportunity to understand more about the world of writing so that when I go to write my next novel, which I have already started planning, I can create a richer, more compelling world that may inspire someone else to pick up a pencil and write"
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
- Being outside in the rain
Yes, it's a health risk as they say, but I quite simply love the rain. And for me, getting caught in the rain adds something good to the day.
- Looking back at my novel
At the moment my novel is a bit neglected as I am just waiting to hear back from people about it. But the other day I flicked through it and felt that lovely nostalgic pride. The characters feel like familiar friends to me, and flicking through and reading bits remind me of when I wrote it and what inspired me. It reminds me of looking at an old favourite photo.
- The start of Spring
There's a certain feeling about the start of Spring that always makes me feel happy. It's the reminded or September holidays of the past, of music playing in the house with the sun streaming in and the promise of some change.
- Reading Harry Potter
What can I say? It's my comfort book.
In my opinion, there is nothing nicer than someone showing you how much you mean to them by giving you a wonderful hug. And vice versa. I'm always up for a cuddle.
- Rare perfect moments
Very occasionally, I get this feeling of a perfect moment. I don't know if any of you get the same thing. It can be in a completely ordinary situation but it's this surreal sort of feeling that everything is right with your world. It's very calming and encouraging and is certainly a warm fuzzy moment.
There we go. That's as cheering as a basketful of Kittens. Mission accomplished!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Random Thought Numero Uno
I have been released from the repressing shackles of a YABC reliant life - in other words, I am finally doing some performing that's not to do with CPCA. As much as I love YABC, I absolutely had to do something different. Let's be honest here, we all know that it's in it's own little bubble. You don't get any true representation of where you stand - one minute you could be getting better solo's, the next nothing. You generally don't get told how you personally are improving despite the fact that it is an improvement based company. Thus, basing your entire idea of your impending career on such a place is very VERY unwise.
So I got into the PLOS production of Sound of Music playing the role of Leisl which will be wonderful. I'm very excited and thrilled and cannot wait for the first rehearsal!
And I must say after finding out, at YABC on friday night, for once, I didn't overly judge myself.
Random Thought Number Two
I have realised lately that human beings really have very little control over their emotions. Yes, we like to believe that we can remain composed in tough situations, that we can logically look at our own problems and react accordingly, that we can turn off senseless feelings. But it's not true.
In some ways we are slaves to our emotions. We live our lives striving to be happy, fearing disappointment and sorrow. And that's fine, that's the point of life, isn't it? To find happiness?
The slave to your emotions thing is most frustrating when you know that your emotions are stupid. When you can say to yourself "There is no point feeling that way, so stop it" but you still can't. Feelings can't just be switched off immediately, however much we may want them to be. So we still emotionally invest in lost causes (or at least I do) knowing full well that it'll only end in disappointment.
Random Thought Number Three
Actually I'm drawing a blank here.
Wait, no. Here's something - the best things in life happen quickly, so grab them while you can.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth
And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say, "come dance with me"
And murmur vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems at seventeen
A brown eyed girl in hand-me-downs
Whose name I never could pronounce said
Pity, please, the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve
The rich-relationed home-town queen
Marries into what she needs
With a guarantee of company and haven for the elderly
Remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
In debentures of quality
And dubious integrity
Their small town eyes will gape at you in
Dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received at seventeen
To those of us who knew the pain
Of valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me
We all play the game and when we dare
To cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say, "come dance with me"
And murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me, at seventeen
"At Seventeen" - Janis Ian
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
So yes, I realised the irony of the repetition in my life and it got me thinking - and then I thought
Emily, why must you always stop and think about these things?
Paradoxically that got me thinking about over-thinking. A tendency that I have and suffer from.
I think about things too much, and I bet you any money that many other people think this as well. I'm constantly looking into things too deeply, trying to gouge out some further important meaning from trivial things.
An analogy I can think of is a story our Tap teacher was telling us about in YABC the other week. He said he was teaching the 'Cool' dance sequence from West Side Story to a bunch of Uni students. While teaching it, these intellectuals were asking things like 'What does this move symbolise?' and 'How does a triple pirouette here refer to the ever-declining respect and tolerance of today's social and ethnic minorities?'
My Tap teacher could only think 'It's a dance. You dance it.'
Essentially, I'm trying to say that I try to ask these questions about things that really I shouldn't bother because that's not their point.
I find that I overthink things the most in a few situations. For example:
- Boys. This is a give in. Girls are always trying to decode what a boy could possibly be meaning when he says this, or what this smile or that laugh can tell you about their feelings. In all honesty, most of my artful interpretations are nonsense and I bet I'm wrong about everything so really, I should learnt to stop over-thinking it.
- Auditions. For some reason, after an audition, my brain kind of fogs out the details and to compensate for this, I fabricate to fill in the blanks. This is a bad thing. I suddenly see the hmmms or the bland reactions as satanic portents of doom and a failed career.
- Days of Nothing. This refers to the days in which I laze about, play Sims, watch a movie and do pretty much nothing worth while. A day like this bites back at me once I'm trying to go to sleep. My brain, painfully ianctive for a full 12 hours, takes it's revenge by buzzing non-stop with thoughts about everything under the sun. This is when the majority of my over-thinking/analysing takes place, because the first two dot-points like to invade and have their say as well as everything else.
Yes. Overthinking, one of life's major pests.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Once this is over I can get back to more infrequent posts (for those of you that are irritated by daily updates. *cough cough* Other half.) that talk about daily things. i can fill you in on my news and all that jazz.
Mais, premierement, here is my want #10.
I never want to stop wanting things. My wants are my driving force in life. They compell me to write life-to-do-lists, start crazy projects like writing a musical, commit myself to writing a book - if I didn't have wants I wouldn't audition for shows, get roles, learn new dances, develop skills.
Basically, if I didn't have wants I would just sit, at home, staring catatonic out the window and never do anything worth while.
(musical reference in that paragraph, anyone pick it up??)
My wants are so much a driving and vital part of my life that sometimes I think they could be the most important thing about me. About anyone in fact. We've established that wants make you try new things, get yourself out there - but they also create who we are as people. They form our personality to the point that without wants there would be little substance to who we are. When I meet new people, I love to find out about who they are by asking what they want to do, what their aspirations are. That is one of the most interesting and insightful things I can here about to get to know someone. Without those aspirations, no one would really bother getting to know each other because what is there to get to know?
So my big finale for this Want themed marathon is just this: to never stop wanting. To never stop reaching higher for new things, wanting better things for myself or wanting a change. To never stop having an opinion or wanting to make that opinion made. To never deny my tastes but to always want to show and share who I am through the things I aspire to.
I hope you out there reading this want the same thing.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
I'm nearing the end of my 10 want challenge, and this want is a rather important one. All people need to know what they need, so that they can fulfill these needs. I mean, if we couldn't understand or communicate what we need we'd be babies again.
To be a functioning adult (and I like to believe that I'm nearing the 'functioning' status) we need to be able to recognise what it is that we need. So many needs in that sentance.
SO we have to be able to say "I need food" "I need warmth" and all those other rudimentary physical requirement. But it's more than that. We also have to be able to say "I need to be stronger" "I need to accept help" "I need to learn to cook so I can feed myself and not collapse in a pile of adolescent incompetance"
So as much as wants are a base part of life, needs are what get us through so that we can survive long enough to develop wants.
So there you go. I want to know what I need so that I can need to want.
Friday, August 13, 2010
I really want to have a lot of strings to my fiddle, as they say. I want it to be like in the sims (yes, I am a Sims addict) how you open up their skill panel and they have like 5 maxed skills and then all the little certificates to show how skilled they are. I would like that, although in real life form.
Everytime I see someone show great skill in something (mostly in something creative) I want to be able to do it as well. I don't care how random the skill is, I just want to be able to do it. I've gone through phases when I was younger when I wanted to be an awesome Irish dancer, then there was the time I wanted to be able to yodel. So maybe one day I'll actually learn these skills and be a pro Irish dancer yodelling portrait painting kazoo player. Sigh. A girl can dream can't she?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
So even though every performer/writer/artist/dancer/tight-rope walking mime knows this, we seem to be the people who need acknowledgement the most. How ironic. Performers rely on their confidence and self-worth, and yet they will always want to know what other people think.
Who came up with this equation?!
So yes. As much as I know it's ridiculous, I want acknowledgement if I can get it. I want to know that I'm heading towards the right career, I want to know if I have a chance. In a perfect world, I would want for the amount of recognition I get to equal the amount of effort I put into something but that's not going to happen. Nevertheless, I want it.
I wonder, does a lack of acknowledgement take away the meaning in something? If a person performs the most amazing song ever heard in the world, with the most beautiful voice, and no one is there to hear it, does this make it less amazing? Just lately I've being thinking about this blog as an example. I don't know who reads this (if anyone) because I don't get told by web-hits or comments and the like, and that's fine. But still, I find it an incredibly depressing thought to think that I write these posts and there's a chance they will go unread. Maybe no one will read it. It sort of makes it feel a bit pathetic really.
So do you agree? A lack of acknowledgement can sometimes really damage the worth of something. On the flipside, too much acknowledgement can do the same.
Happy medium, I think!
Moving on from the wants for a minute. I have news.
I am going to Europe.
You read correctly!! In a month's time I shall be in Europe, in another country, on another continent, surrounded by people speaking another language.
More on this in a later post! For now, goodnight blogging world!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
I feel really stuck in a rut lately. Like I'm not really moving anywhere. This year has been like that, understandably because it's been a bit of a limbo year. A transition year. All I've been doing, essentially, is waiting until the auditions.
But considering the effort I'm trying to put into making some big changes with myself, I'm not feeling any of it. My dance technique hasn't improved that much, and I wasted the first half of my year a little bit with not so great classes. My singing is the same, no improvements on belting here. I haven't done anything for my acting. Writing is neglected while I wait to hear from people. Socially I'm quite content but romantically I wouldn't mind some changes.
There's the bulk of my pessimistic rant for you.
I was talking to screws the other day during an epic texting session, and we concluded that this year is a big fat pain because all we want to do is go roaring into our career headfirst, do the things we really want to do, but we're stuck waiting, working in fish and ice cream shops, earning money, doing degrees and trying to improve skills. We want to have freedom to be adults but we want the security of home. We're kind of torn between a ridiculous need for new things and a fear of what those new things will bring. Like I said before, we're in limbo.
As I rant about this I try to think, what can I do to change these things? And really there isn't much. I can make plans as much as I'd like but essentially there is nothing I can do until something bigger shifts. Until I get into a school, or don't get into a school. Until I meet someone new, or hear back about my book.
So I'm really complaining about the inevitable here when I should be accepting it, but hey. The past few days have made me feel the impatience more so than normal due to my body hating me and throwing me a cough, a strained leg and a sore neck thus preventing me from doing basically anything.
Wow I really am whinging today aren't I?
Please forgive this anxious 18 year old.
Another thing I realise is I think I talk about myself to much. Just look at how many I's are in that sentance. I like to share what I'm doing, but enough is enough really. So here's a challenge, I'm going to try to go a day without talking about myself AT ALL. Maybe that'll make it difficult to have a conversation though?
Ok we'll try it as a social experiement. After tomorrow, I will see if it is possible to remain socially comfortable and not talk about yourself at all.
Cool. Done. Sorted. Rant over.
Thanks for listening :)
Sunday, August 1, 2010
I seriously don't know how I'd survive without laughing once in a while. I mean, I think I have a pretty good sense of humour. I appreciate comedy, I love a good laugh. In my mind I can't possibly understand how some people can not have a sense of humour. It's true. Some people don't.
This also makes me think about how completely inconcievable it is to me that some people's lives don't revolve around music. That people can ask, "What kind of music do you listen to?" and someone may reply, "Oh, you know, I don't really listen to music."
What is this?
Is this real? How can people possibly live their lives without music? It just doesn't make sense, especially to someone who sings constantly and walks around the house with iPhone in hand playing song after song.
So music, sense of humour, creativity - these are the sorts of things that I could NOT live my life without, and therefore, to me, no-one can live their lives without them. So there, beat that syllogistic argument.
But the reality is that people live extremely different lives to me, and as unfathomable as that is, my life is equally unfathomable to them. I'm that weirdo that never stops singing. No one can like music that much, they probably think.
Thank god I am pretty much only surrounded by musical junkies. And creative, generally funny people, who enjoy random sing-a-longs in the car and appreciate the fine, sophisticated taste of cookie dough.
Thank god for you guys.