"They light a candle And hope that it glows"

Hi all.

So.

Where to start?

I feel like I have a lot I could fill you in on but to go into detail for everything would take a heck of a lot of blog space and too much of your time. Instead I'm going to say this - A lot of stuff has happened, life has been lived. Feel in the loop now?

I guess not.

I don't really know what I want to say in the post, it's just been a long time since I last checked in and I feel like I've been neglecting you guys a little bit - those of you that still read.

Should I do a quick summary of events? Probably. Here you go then:

YABC shows went brilliantly. Lots of fun, great to be performing and got to spend time with those wonderful people yet again.

Sound of Music is on soon. Rehearsals are going well - Buy tickets!! Type in PLOS productions to google and the ticket sales are on the website.

There's been a death in my family recently which has been hard. The family's coming down, the funeral is soon. I'm singing at the funeral.

My uni plight came off far less well then I'd hoped. It's not defeated me of course but I was upset, and still am a bit. There's still a chance I could be at BAPA next year but there's an even greater chance I won't be so it's time to make other plans.

Sung through the musical again and was incredibly happy with some of the changes we've made. It still has a long way to go but we're on the way and what we've done so far we're quite proud of.

Lately, this week mostly, I've been feeling so out of control with my emotions. Before this week I felt really weak in terms of being able to deal with things. I was getting upset a lot and quite easily, I was constantly judging myself and seeing myself in a bad light. With the things that happened this week I'm more of the same, but I think my emotional capacity is nearing breaking point. I'm just getting incredibly frustrated. I'm finding it hard to deal with.

I keep talking about wanting change. Wanting different things to happen. Wanting to move out, wanting to be at uni and studying, wanting to be given opportunities to grow, wanting to have a boyfriend, wanting to be attractive and mature and unique and ready to take on the world.

I think the problem with wanting so many things is that I hardly know where to start.

And maybe I've stretched myself too thin. Maybe the reason I'm getting so frustrated is because I have my emotions invested in so many things that it's taking it's toll on me.

Maybe I just need a freaking holiday.