Monday, August 2, 2010

Stuck in a Rut

Although my last post was quite cheerful overall, I haven't been in the best of moods. So here comes a little bit of a rant, be prepared.

I feel really stuck in a rut lately. Like I'm not really moving anywhere. This year has been like that, understandably because it's been a bit of a limbo year. A transition year. All I've been doing, essentially, is waiting until the auditions.
But considering the effort I'm trying to put into making some big changes with myself, I'm not feeling any of it. My dance technique hasn't improved that much, and I wasted the first half of my year a little bit with not so great classes. My singing is the same, no improvements on belting here. I haven't done anything for my acting. Writing is neglected while I wait to hear from people. Socially I'm quite content but romantically I wouldn't mind some changes.

There's the bulk of my pessimistic rant for you.

I was talking to screws the other day during an epic texting session, and we concluded that this year is a big fat pain because all we want to do is go roaring into our career headfirst, do the things we really want to do, but we're stuck waiting, working in fish and ice cream shops, earning money, doing degrees and trying to improve skills. We want to have freedom to be adults but we want the security of home. We're kind of torn between a ridiculous need for new things and a fear of what those new things will bring. Like I said before, we're in limbo.

As I rant about this I try to think, what can I do to change these things? And really there isn't much. I can make plans as much as I'd like but essentially there is nothing I can do until something bigger shifts. Until I get into a school, or don't get into a school. Until I meet someone new, or hear back about my book.

So I'm really complaining about the inevitable here when I should be accepting it, but hey. The past few days have made me feel the impatience more so than normal due to my body hating me and throwing me a cough, a strained leg and a sore neck thus preventing me from doing basically anything.

Wow I really am whinging today aren't I?
Please forgive this anxious 18 year old.

Another thing I realise is I think I talk about myself to much. Just look at how many I's are in that sentance. I like to share what I'm doing, but enough is enough really. So here's a challenge, I'm going to try to go a day without talking about myself AT ALL. Maybe that'll make it difficult to have a conversation though?
Ok we'll try it as a social experiement. After tomorrow, I will see if it is possible to remain socially comfortable and not talk about yourself at all.

Cool. Done. Sorted. Rant over.

Thanks for listening :)

1 comment:

  1. Wow if you are not doing anything then why am I out driving you around 4 - 5 nights a week and on weekends???Transition years are hard, they often feel like you are walking up the down esculator - you know you are moving in fact you are working quite hard but not seeming to get anywhere!! Be careful because before you know it you will arrive at the top of this down esculator and you will be spat out the top at great spead into the known bit of your 'want' but it will be hard to recognise because you will be moving too fast.

    Rest assured you are in a state of waiting sure but you are also in a transition and you are doing quite a lot - some call it the treadmill of life I call it the decending assention of a growing spirit.

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